A bit of a dilemma

Daniel Walden's picture
Submitted by Daniel Walden on Thu, 2006-07-27 04:34

Well, this is my first post to this particular branch of the Solo forums, but some of you have probably seen me around the site. The basic gist is that I'm bisexual and have been honest with myself about it since January. My mother knows and is fine with it, but I'm struggling with breaking the news to my father. See, he actively denies that bisexuality exists. He's perfectly open to people being homosexual, but he thinks that people who say they're bi are just "confused" or some other bullshit euphemism for "stark-raving mad." Intolerance I could stand up to; at least it acknowledges my existence. But what can I do here? Should I chuck the Kinsey studies at his face or something? I'm open to any suggestions (serious or not, though a few serious ones would be appreciated Smiling ).

Thanks a lot!

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Ashley's picture

I think that for me, and for my girlfriend, and many others I know, it is as simple as being attracted to the essence of a human being and not the package it comes in. I am equally attracted to both sexes and I don't feel that either type of relationship is superior to the other. I fall in love with a person, and whatever equipment that person arrives into my life with.

I am now in a relationship with a woman, and I think some people believe that means I am "really" a lesbian, and it can be simpler to go along with that straightforward sort of explanation. But I have been absolutely satisfied in every way with opposite-sex relationships and I may be again someday in the future. None of us have to validate our sexuality with anyone, but personally I know that bisexuality isn't just a form of self-loathing or indecisiveness.


jtgagnon's picture

Best of luck...Remember - above all, to thine ownself be true.

Just a guts

Rex Wilkinson's picture

I am bisexual and prefer that title to gay,one because I don't see myself as gay and two because it doesn't allow them to say it's just an accident of hormones etc,I'm just a guts plain and simple,and loving it.


User hidden's picture

I can totally see why the Fountainhead would bolster you up. A good dose of Howard Roark facing irrational people with such guts and staunchness always makes me feel powerful and ready to take on the worst life can throw at me and turn it into the best.

I'm glad you are feeling better about your dilemma.


Thank you all

Daniel Walden's picture

Wow, so much quality advice, and so soon too! A thousand thanks to all of you; this plus a very well-timed re-reading of The Fountainhead have done a lot to firm up my resolve about breaking the news. And yay, a post of mine got the blue sticky endorsement!

*does the "I got a blue sticky!" dance*


User hidden's picture

I think Lindsay's advice is perfect, but I wanted to chime in with a little encouragement from a bisexual person. It can be really hard to be kind of stuck in the middle, straight people thinking of you as gay, gay people thinking of you as straight, most people not really acknowledging that you are what you are, that what you are is a natural and ok way to be. I suspect it is harder for a guy than it is for me because of the stigma attached to gay male sex. I know that you know this, but sometimes it feels good to hear it. You are bisexual, and that is a perfectly good orientation to be. What great benefits to you! You have so many choices! You get to enjoy the wonderful things about each sex! I want to flat contradict Kenny. You should have whatever relationships make you happy, girls, boys, one at a time or all together. Sexuality, in whatever form, is for joy, and I wish you tons of it. I hope your dad will come around, especially if you love him, but if he doesn't, I hope you will reconcile yourself to that and still have a wonderfully rich romanctic and sex life as the real person that you are.


Daniel ...

Lindsay Perigo's picture

Contrary to Kenny, the most important thing is not whether your dad likes your current partner. It's that you are true to yourself. Just tell your father, if you feel you must tell him anything, the facts (while at the same time iterating that they're actually none of his business). How he deals with them is his issue, not yours.

First thing I did when recognising my own being gay, at the same age you are now, was tell my parents. Not because I thought I owed it to them (& I wasn't even an Objectivist back then) but because it was the truth & I didn't want them hearing about it second-hand. In Objectivist terms, they were a value to me & I didn't want to see them hurt or ambushed for no good reason. In your situation, if it were me, I'd simply tell your dad the facts, though they be slightly different from mine in your case, make clear that you love him but won't be deterred from your nature's path by his mistaken preconceptions, & see how the cookie crumbles.

That's the best course for YOU, rationally selfishly, no?


PS—all of that aside, let me say I'm extremely impressed by the quality of your posts here, as I am by those of Michael Yarbrough, particualrly by your (both of you) posts on music. Young 'uns like you give me hope for the future. Smiling


Kenny's picture

The most important issue is whether your family likes your current partner. Your father will be more hostile if you have relationships with a man and a woman at the same time. If you stick to one at a time, and he sees that you are happy with both sexes over time, the hostility may disappear gradually. I agree with Ross that Mum is your biggest ally. Good luck!

Daniel, try hitting him with some basic metaphysics...

Ross Elliot's picture

Daniel, try hitting him with some basic metaphysics, that being that since you exist, and you *are* a practising bisexual, then ipso facto, bisexuality must exist Smiling

Your mum's probably your biggest ally.

Good luck.

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