All Right Then.

Melissa Lepley's picture
Submitted by Melissa Lepley on Thu, 2007-01-11 18:55

I've never made a forum topic before...but the SOLO Romance category has been quiet far too long.

After all, what could be more important?

So.

All you happily paired-off SOLOists out there...what is your favorite quality about your significant other? What do they do that makes you fall more and more in love every time? What do you value most about them?

All you Solo-SOLOists...what draws your attention to a potential mate? What is it about a perfect stranger that makes you stand up and pay attention? What quality do you most value in a love interest?

This can be physical features, quirky mannerisms, whatever.

Melissa


( categories: )

Ross

Landon Erp's picture

Had "Outlandos" but I sold it a couple years ago when I was close to losing my appartment and I just walked into a pawn shop with anything I had that I thought I could get any money for. I also wound up losing the best of Hank Williams Sr., James Brown, my tv from the time, and a few movies. I still occaisionally get an urge to listen to one of those cds or watch on of those movies and look like crazy for them until I remember. Still miss it.

Though I do like the polish that Syncronicity has.

---Landon

Inking is sexy.

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/wickedlakes

I'm just thinking...

J. Heaps-Nelson's picture

Since 2001 I've been in Silicon Valley, Portland Oregon, Albuquerque New Mexico, New York and Phoenix Arizona. My poor wife Smiling!!

Jim

Ross

J. Heaps-Nelson's picture

Good post! I'm an outlier, right-brained, folk music-playing Objectivist so people should not try to do as I do. I just think people should keep an open mind about romantic relationships, put themselves out there in ways they may not be used to and when it's right, jump in with both feet!

Jim

Jim...

Ross Elliot's picture

...you've made some very good points. It's not about opposites attracting so much as people having complementary views of the world, and of each other. I think those things that apply in business & social relationships also apply in romantic relationships, just with added intimacy.

It's too easy to get it into your head that you need to be compatible on every level, which is bullshit; you just need to be compatible where it matters to you. I call those things relationship deal-breakers, and there's no point in trying to paper over the cracks. Down that path lies DOOM.

But...

Olivia's picture

I can only handle three men at a time Linz... fully booked. Tis the sport of giants Smiling

(ps where does he live and what does he look like?)

Claudia

Lindsay Perigo's picture

I guess a lot of Kiwi guys (and maybe foreigners too) learn in their insecure adolescent fumblings that if you can make a girl laugh, her panties will drop off shortly after. Ergo... a kind of nervous sense of humour sets in around women rather than courage, strength, depth or (true) passion. I find that boring - actually, ironically, I find it kind of funny, but it sure doesn't make me want to rip my panties off and fuck him. If anything I think "so you might be able to make me laugh, but will you handle yourself admirably in times of stress or crisis when it's not so funny?" The laughy types never do in my experience.

There are only two people on SOLO as far as I can tell who meet your requirements. One of them is gay. The other is Mr. Moeller. Go get him! Smiling

Linz

Claudia

J. Heaps-Nelson's picture

Wow, I've known about one guy like what you're describing, in person, my roommate and best friend in college. Unfortunately, he's taken Eye.

Jim

Chris: I'll have to own up...

Olivia's picture

to making the comment about a sense of humour not being a huge prerequisite for romantic attraction to me.

I guess a lot of Kiwi guys (and maybe foreigners too) learn in their insecure adolescent fumblings that if you can make a girl laugh, her panties will drop off shortly after. Ergo... a kind of nervous sense of humour sets in around women rather than courage, strength, depth or (true) passion. I find that boring - actually, ironically, I find it kind of funny, but it sure doesn't make me want to rip my panties off and fuck him. If anything I think "so you might be able to make me laugh, but will you handle yourself admirably in times of stress or crisis when it's not so funny?" The laughy types never do in my experience.

Aaron

J. Heaps-Nelson's picture

I guess it depends. I've mostly found that Objectivist women want something different relationship-wise than I do. My closest personal relationship is with my younger brother who's an Objectivist and I've asked myself if I would marry someone who had many of his qualities and convictions but was female and the answer is always no.

I like a lot of tension of disagreement in a romantic relationship. I like having someone to tell me to come off it when I'm getting in a rut and I like just having a completely fresh relationship with few familiar in-built expectations. I guess I just really like novelty and I'm willing to take some of the hazards that might come with it.

My wife is probably more intelligent than I am, but just has a very concrete way of looking at things that kind of brings me back into the material world when I start to float. There are tensions sometimes, but it's always been worth it to me.

Jim

James- I'm happy for you and

Aaron's picture

James-
I'm happy for you and yours. Finding new areas you didn't know about or enjoy before certainly rocks - things like the learning a new language and hiking sound great. The one thing you said that gives me pause though is:

"I already had the deep, multilayered intellectual and personal sharing of Objectivism, higher mathematics, chemical engineering, physics, chess, tennis, evolutionary psychology etc. with my younger brother so I didn't really need that in a romantic relationship."

It's really not the same. Having someone such as a brother or friend or coworker to bond with on such things absolutely beats having no one at all to share them with. But that doesn't mean such factors don't still add something to a relationship and can be dismissed. Of course no one is going to find someone who overlaps their every optional value, and we all have to determine what is sufficient - it's just that ones not shared can still leave a longing for that connection with your lover and connecting with friends, etc. is not sufficient substitute.

Landon...

Ross Elliot's picture

...Synchronicity was a fine capstone for The Police, and it's power is in Sting's singing and his bass playing. The bottom end on Wrapped Around Your Finger is supreme. Those boys always had a beautifully produced sound and a lot of current bands could learn a thing or two from them about subtlety and power.

That said, Synchronicity a slow-burner in lots of ways. For a more energetic Police try Outlandas d'Amour or Reggatta de Blanc. Great tunes like So Lonely and It's Alright For You often get lost in the crowd.

Syncronicity

Landon Erp's picture

Ross, thanks for bringing up great memories of Sting's "divorce album." It was the one thing that finally managed to pull me away from wholesale heavy metal.

---Landon

Inking is sexy.

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/wickedlakes

Ross,

Melissa Lepley's picture

Do you mean that women have a different view on "creepy", a different view on "lecherous" or a different view on YOU?

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

Sandi, are you...

Ross Elliot's picture

...a Police fan or a stalking fan? Or both? Eye

Sting wrote some great songs about relationships. Wrapped Around Your Finger was about the excitement & experience that a younger man can find in the arms of an older woman, and how the tables can be turned.

And, it works the other way around, of course...

Wrapped Around Your Finger - The Police:

You consider me the young apprentice
Caught between the scylla and charibdes
Hypnotized by you if I should linger
Staring at the ring around your finger

I have only come here seeking knowledge
Things they wouldn't teach me of in college
I can see the destiny you sold
Turned into a shining band of gold

I'll be wrapped around your finger
I'll be wrapped around your finger

Mephistopheles is not your name
But I know what you're up to just the same
I will listen hard to your tuition
And you will see it come to its fruition

I'll be wrapped around your finger
I'll be wrapped around your finger

Devil and the deep blue sea behind me
Vanish in the air you'll never find me
I will turn your face to alabaster
Then you will find your servant is your master

And you'll be wrapped around my finger
You'll be wrapped around my finger
You'll be wrapped around my finger

Melissa...

Ross Elliot's picture

...I can see I may need to take some lessons in creepy. It's far more nuanced than even I suspected. Maybe I should stick to lechery and explore it's romantic aspects, which are many Cool

You know--and seriously--women have a *completely* different perspective on these things than men do. And, vive la difference, I say.

Jennifer,

Melissa Lepley's picture

I like to consider myself a danger to computer screens everywhere!

Glad to make you laugh... Laughing out loud Lol, does this mean we should date? Eye

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

BWAHAHA!!!

Prima Donna's picture

Ross, don't you know that there is a difference between long-term friendly creepy and immediate threatening creepy? You, sir, are going the distance!

Melissa, you almost made me spray my screen with coffee. *Fabulous* comeback!!

Ross, what she said. Smiling

Chris, thanks for clearing that up -- I *knew* I never said that in print, digital or otherwise. Eye

Jennifer

-- Food Philosophy. Sensuality. Sass.

Chris,

Melissa Lepley's picture

That was a lovely post, you did quite well! Smiling

I like cats... *innocent face*

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

Oh Ross,

Melissa Lepley's picture

Don't you know that there is a difference between long-term friendly creepy and immediate threatening creepy?

You, sir, are going the distance! Eye

Actually, and this may prove that I haven't talked to you nearly enough... but I wouldn't have called you creepy at all. Amorous, lecherous, perhaps occasionally lewd, but always in a completely gentlemanly manner. Laughing out loud

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

Oops

Chris Cathcart's picture

Oops. Sorry, Jen, that wasn't you. I was going on memory, which was faulty. It was another poster, though. I won't name names this time . . .
Eye

Every Move You Make

Sandi's picture

Absolutely! Ross.

Eh?

Prima Donna's picture

Chris, you've lost me. Where on earth did I say anything about sense of humor, particularly that having one didn't score any extra points?

I posted about what I find most attractive, but there are many other qualities I look for, a sense of humor being a critical one. Great hair and a great butt are also preferable. I didn't want to post a laundry list (been there, done that).

Jennifer

-- Food Philosophy. Sensuality. Sass.

36-24-36

Bill Visconti's picture

This is a good thread. What do I look for in a woman? Right now I am in a very superficial frame of mind. So I look for essentially three things:

36-24-36

Or thereabouts.

Proud ARIan Warmonger

Love and Friendship in Objectivism (reprise)

J. Heaps-Nelson's picture

(I posted these personal thoughts about a year ago. I realized they might be pertinent to the current thread. -Jim)

What is the basis of love and friendship? Many Objectivists have maintained that shared intellectual values are paramount for a romantic relationship or friendship. I went through a stage myself where it was probably extremely important for me to surround myself with people who shared my intellectual values. I was still learning about my chosen values and who better to learn and develop with than those who shared my values and in many cases knew much more than I did?

After a while though, you realize you really limit yourself with the "shared intellectual values" criteria. In romantic relationships, I realized I wanted to be silly and playful when I came home from work and I wasn't too worried about projecting masculine strength. I already had the deep, multilayered intellectual and personal sharing of Objectivism, higher mathematics, chemical engineering, physics, chess, tennis, evolutionary psychology etc. with my younger brother so I didn't really need that in a romantic relationship.

I met my romantic soulmate on a vacation in Hawaii. She was beautiful and had the most curious, questioning, expressive eyes I'd ever met. She and I cemented our relationship hiking down the N'Pali coast on the west side of Kauai. She really impressed me because she wasn't afraid to get muddy and perservere to the end of the 3 mile trail. Since then, a whole new world has opened up to me. I've made a start at learning Mandarin and my wife has put up with me during several relocations in the semiconductor industry. We've hiked in about a third of the National Parks in the United States.

I've been married to Rita for 4 years and known her for six. She's the love of my life and she has little interest in Objectivism. She's generally pro-capitalist in a wanting to be rich way, we both spend very little money, work long hours and share our spare time together.

Jim

Best stalking song ever!

Ross Elliot's picture

If you heard this being sung softly outside your bedroom window at 3am you'd be dialing 1-800-WHACK-MY-STALKER as quick as a wink.





Every Breath You Take - The Police

Every breath you take
And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh, can't you see
You belong to me?
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around, but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please

:-)

Chris Cathcart's picture

Ross, you're a mad genius. Your creepiness is part of your charm around here.

(I was going to mention something in my last post but forgot especially once my mind wandered to . . . other things. That was, with sites like this I like the way that you get to know people over time, in a way that you don't exactly get to do with the dating sites. So you can build up a sense of trust, I would think/hope. So they can really get to know that you are, in fact, too creepy, Ross. Smiling )

P.S. Did you notice there's a double-entendre in that "evil" smiley, as well? Looks like a . . . cat. And what's more, it required being converted from a vertical smile in plain text.

Never been quite so happy

Landon Erp's picture

I'm glad the "hometown" I listed on Myspace is "The WCW Special Forces."

Not that I'm all that stalkable anyway.

---Landon

Inking is sexy.

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/wickedlakes

Gee, Chris...

Ross Elliot's picture

..."I like cats, and chicks who are likewise into pussies would be extra icing on the cake." ...doesn't your keyboard get all sticky when you type with your tongue?

Aw, c'mon, Jen...

Ross Elliot's picture

...didn't you once say that *I* made the creepiest posts?

I can be creepier. Honestly, I can. Just gimme a chance!

PS: anyone got Kelly's home address?

Best retelling of Cyrano...

Ross Elliot's picture

...is Roxanne with Steve Martin and Daryl Hannah. Hilarious, poignant & lovely.

What I find attractive

Chris Cathcart's picture

I'm taking so long to get involved in this thread because, well, I'm somewhat bashful, and I haven't exactly gotten the hang of how to flirt online without being taken the wrong way or sending the wrong signals. Practice makes perfect, I guess. . . .

There's something good about SOLO, which is that there is a good deal of female presence in comparison with a large number of other forums where I hang out. There's something about being highly intellectual and, well, geeky that seems to keep the gals well-hidden from view on other sites. Anyway, . . .

What I think I would value in a partner, before anything else could get off the ground, is intelligence, and a respect for the importance of ideas but not in a rationalistic way disconnected from living. Whatever your area of specialized interest(Drunk or occupation, interest in philosophy is fundamental. And I think that while the idea of a relationship with a non-Objectivist is possible, for some reason it's being strongly receptive to Objectivism that is a special turn-on.

There was a recent thread -- I don't know the subject right off -- but it as one that had to do with Ayn Rand's life, and pictures of a younger Ayn Rand (ca. 1930s) came up in some way. Now, in purely physical terms, Rand wasn't exactly model material, but at a younger age she looked fairly attractive. But what was a special turn-on -- and I think I used the phrase "chub up" here -- was the knowledge of the intelligence going on behind those otherwise merely-attractive features. By contrast, I don't know if I could get it up for "hot chicks" with seemingly vacuous personalities -- you know the usual suspects in popular culture.

(I responded with intrigue to Jen's comments about a man who aims toward precision. I think I do so much of that kind of "thinking out loud" here on SOLO that it must look like it borders on anal-retentive analytical rationalism to the third power. But from my vantage point, it's just about right. And to read in the next sentence that a developed sense of humor doesn't score any extra points with her was quite a downer.)

I suppose a diverse set of tastes and interests and activities is important as well, though I don't have much concretely specific here. I could only say that I hope that there's some considerable degree of overlap with mine -- music (very hopefully classical music as part of that), movies, adventuresome tastes in food and drink, an appreciation for humor (hint hint on that already, maybe?) hopefully including even for the seemingly lowbrow but masterpiece-level entertainment of Howard Stern's show, and the usual "joyous/playful/goofy and positive sense of life" thingy. In physical term, a minimum requirement would be a mirror of my lifestyle: try to take reasonably good care of your body, not let it go. Exercise nuts aren't a necessity. Sports nuts aren't a necessity, though for a geeky intellectual even I have some interest in following sports off-and-on, part-time. Strangely enough, I haven't been an avid reader of books in years. But I do offer two out of three in the music-books-movie triumvirate, and a lady who offers likewise in whatever combo is just fine.

Let's see, what else . . . could I engage in a blatant double-entendre here? I like cats, and chicks who are likewise into pussies would be extra icing on the cake.
Evil

Given five minutes and a

Duncan Bayne's picture

Given five minutes and a fast internet connection, it's possible to obtain:

  • my address and phone number
  • my employment and education history going back to the age of 5
  • photos of me as an adult, and as a child
  • an aerial photo of my house and neighbourhood
  • an overview of my changing political & philosophical opinions since the late-mid 90s

I've long since given up attempting to ensure Internet privacy; in my opinion, one can't participate fully in online fora without comporomising privacy.  Honestly, my main concern w.r.t. privacy is the Government ... and frankly, they will know anything about me that they want to know anyway.

Furthermore, I think that (with certain exceptions; e.g. 'whistleblowing' and posting from within a totalitarian state) anonymity on the Internet fosters negative attributes of online communication.  In my experience, the more real people online appear, the more likely others are to treat them with courtesy and honesty.

Personally, I take the approach of not caring overly about my privacy, but caring a lot about my physical security.  To quote Scott McNealy - ""You have zero privacy anyway -- get over it."

---
Buy and wear InfidelGear - 100% of all InfidelGear profit goes to SOLO!

Norman Bates on SOLO

Jason Quintana's picture

This is a good reminder of the fact that the Internet provides weird people with a lot of ways to find out information about people. All sorts of things about people are often stored directly in Google. Luckily my phone number is blocked, but for example I just typed my grandparents' phone number into a Google search and instantly their address and a map, with perfect, detailed directions from almost any location in the U.S. directly to their home popped up.

Those of you who want to avoid weirdos like this who are willing to spend hours digging around the Internet trying to find out information about people would be wise to spend some time doing a similar set of searches for information about yourself to see what comes up.

- Jason

Jason D. Quintana is not associated with the Ayn Rand Institute -- neither as a writer nor as a speaker.

All right then, indeed.

Prima Donna's picture

Wow...that may be the creepiest online post I've read to date.

:::shudder:::

Jennifer

-- Food Philosophy. Sensuality. Sass.

Bizarre

J. Heaps-Nelson's picture

Strange... Oh well, you get oddballs on the internet every now and then.

Back to regularly scheduled programming.

One of the interesting things to me about the Objectivist romance threads is the role of "optional values" in romance. It's a measure of our individuality and I've generally found them as important as explicitly identified Objectivist virtues.

Jim

Darn!

Melissa Lepley's picture

When I saw 10 new responses this morning, I thought perhaps I'd get more answers to my question about Romantics in personal relationships...

Not that I mind compliments and admiration, but...yeah. No.

Aaron, being a SOLO woman isn't always quite so...well...creepy. Eye The benefits of interacting with so many intelligent attractive males far outweigh the occasional stalker.

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

Thanks Linz

User hidden's picture

I appreciate you doing that.

Duncan, I'll be especially careful. But he isn't local; he's several hours away. Not that the thought hadn't crossed my mind, though.

Melissa, sorry your nice thread got all weird. Back to the praise of math geeks and pianists!

Kelly

Having re-read his post

Duncan Bayne's picture

Having re-read his post here, it does seem a bit obsessive.  Might I suggest you step up your personal security practices for a while?  You might also want to speak to the Atlassphere admins & let them know what's going on.

 

---
Buy and wear InfidelGear - 25% of all InfidelGear profit goes to SOLO!

K

Lindsay Perigo's picture

He's blocked.

Well since he made it public . . .

User hidden's picture

I guess I won't feel bad about putting it out there. Terry and I met on Atlassphere, exchanged a few emails, and then he found out everything he could about me, insulted me several times, professed his love, and generally made me want to not even give him the favor of a reply. I blew him off, so he followed me here, posted more weird stuff, and wants people to check up on me for him. Honestly, this seems a little bit stalkerish.

Kelly

Someone ...

Lindsay Perigo's picture

... please explain what's going on here?!

Linz

Umm . . .

User hidden's picture

Well, I'm even more creeped out than I was before.

Terry-

Aaron's picture

Terry-
Welcome to SOLO? You certainly have... a knack for finding things out about people. I'm rather glad I'm not a SOLO woman right now.

Welcome to SOLO

J. Heaps-Nelson's picture

From a fellow engineer, chessplayer and physics enthusiast, welcome to SOLO, Terry!!

Jim

What attracts me to you (continued)

Terry Powell's picture

c. Laurie Chipman:  That you’re 1) a software engineer who values and really likes being married to a math genius, and 2) a person who enjoys spending six hours writing a program in a friendly competition with your mate.  As Aaron said perfectly: “That is so incredibly geeky and cool.”  

        

d.  Kelly Elmore (and other females of the species):  I’ve already confessed my profound love and admiration for Kelly in my previous post and in private correspondence to her.  It would take far too much space for me to list all the books, movies, and other things I’ve discovered that we have in common.  I guess the thing I initially did right and what immediately attracted me to her was the way she got so excited when I sent her a message on the Atlasphere with the subject line “she weaves by night and day”, in reference to Tennyson’s “Lady of Shalot” and her love of reading poetry out loud.

 

Claudia, Marnee, Sandi, Diana Hsieh, Penelope (if you exist), et al.:  There are simply far too many intelligent, interesting, and beautiful women on this site for me to keep going on and on like this.  Lest the men feel left out, let me comment on a few below (even though I’m only sexually attracted to women):

 

 e.  Ted Keer: The fact that we were both born in the same year might explain why we both love Doctor Who.  I think it was you who mentioned in another thread that Richard Dawkins got Lalla Ward (my favorite companion) after she left Tom Baker.  And, speaking of Richard Dawkins, you mentioned you like his writing style (as do I), despite the fact that you disagree with several of his ideas.  Even though Marcus didn’t take up the debate over what you characterize as Dawkin’s “reductionist materialism” in the SOLO Science area (re: node 1554), I would like to hear what you have to say about that topic.

 

 f.  Aaron: For your 1/21/2007 posts here, especially the way you articulated everything in your last (and longest) paragraph.  I couldn’t have said it any better than you did if I spent a fortnight trying.  The particulars may vary, but the overall sentiment is perfect.    

 

g.  Daniel Walden:  For the fact that you find Cyrano de Bergerac to be the ultimate in Romance.  Since you mentioned the balcony scene, let me re-use a quote from the Bair (1972) translation that I quoted in one of my messages to Kelly:  “After all, what is a kiss?  A vow made at closer range, a more precise promise, a confession that contains its own proof, a seal placed on a pact that has already been signed; it’s a secret told to the mouth rather than to the ear, a fleeting moment filled with the hush of eternity, a communion that has the fragrance of a flower, a way of living by the beat of another heart, and tasting another soul on one’s lips!”
 

 

Enough said….(other than my thanks to Linz for SOLOpassion, as well as his other virtues that Claudia praised).

Terry   

Hello fellow Romantic Objectivists

Terry Powell's picture

Hi everyone! I’m new here, but I have read so many posts over the last few days that I feel I know several of you somewhat intimately already.  I discovered this wonderful website while searching for information about Kelly Elmore.  I met her on The Atlasphere and exchanged a few lovely e-mail messages about the Anne of Green Gables books, Jane Austen novels, and other classic literature we both enjoy.  Then, just as I was falling madly in love (or at least thought I had found a friend for life), she inexplicably disappeared off the face of the Earth.  I probably put my foot in my mouth and unintentionally insulted her values or invaded her privacy when I mentioned to her that I was shocked by some of the sexual escapades I’ve read about here on SOLO; but, she doesn’t strike me as the type of person who would not write back and tell me I’m a prudish jerk, or whatever she might think of me.  I’m probably just not fun and sexy enough to keep a hot, well-read, and incredibly active woman’s interest.  (If anyone knows if she or her child has been sick, out of town, or just too busy with courses or work to write, please let me know.) 

Anyway, getting to the topic of this post, I think the best way to demonstrate the things that immediately get my attention and what I find romantic and of value in people I’ve barely (or in this case virtually) met, would be for me to list a few of the things I love about each of you (at least to the extent that I’ve gleaned from some of your posts).  In so doing, everyone can get to know me by virtue of the things that I value in others.  (You can also click on my name and read my short bio to see how we match up.)  However, lest this post become too long and turn into an article, I’ll break it up and post the continuation separately. 

a. Melissa Lepley: I love that you’re 1) a draftsman with a BFA in interior design who’s KASS at AutoCAD, 3D modeling, and modular origami; 2) a Sci Fi nerd who loves books by Heinlein, Asimov, Douglas Adams, and others, along with philosophy books by Ayn Rand, Robert Pirsig and Richard Bach;  3) someone who’s “goal in life is to own all the books and know everything”; 4) that a guy who once beat you at chess every time you played “got more and more attractive every time!”; 5) that you ordered Cyrano de Bergerac from Amazon based on a friend’s recommendation; and 6) for many other things you said in your posts under this thread you created, as well as in others.

b. Prima Donna (Jennifer):  I love your: 1) story entitled “My First Love” about Francisco d’Anconia (at node 769), which inspired Kelly’s “A similar kind of thing” post – two of the most beautiful and heartfelt posts I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading; 2) your friendship with Kelly Elmore; 3) your passion for your ‘Food SASS’ business and for “blazing the trail toward [your] own destiny”; and 4) the shear volume of quality posts and friendly interaction you’ve generated on SOLO.

To be continued…

PS.

Melissa Lepley's picture

Just ordered Cyrano de Bergerac from Amazon...can't wait to see it! Smiling

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

Daniel,

Melissa Lepley's picture

Sounds lovely! I'm for it, then. Smiling

Now I just have to become the best thing ever...and search him out! Eye

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

My preference...

Olivia's picture

I find precision thinking the most attractive quality in a man. Someone whose mind can cut through the superficial to get to the heart of any issue, someone who is essentially serious by nature - I couldn't care if they have a highly developed sense of humour or not.
Such people tend to have high emotional awareness as well as a strong rational faculty that can distinguish truth from bullshit easily. Two men on this site have demonstrated these characteristics time after time... one is Linz, the other Michael Moeller. If I'm ever fortunate enough to meet a man in the flesh like one of these two, and if he's interested romantically in me, he'll have my loyalty and respect for life.

Being a Romantic

Daniel Walden's picture

Well, here's how I see it. A Romantic (we are indeed talking capital R, not the little r that I used in my earlier post) in personal relationships is someone who is honestly looking for the best and isn't afraid to say so. If you're dating a Romantic, then good news: there's someone in this world who thinks you're the best thing ever. You probably already know that, since Romantics aren't usually shy about expressing their feelings, at least to their significant other.

Know what? My words aren't doing this justice. Watch a good rendition of the balcony scene from Cyrano de Bergerac. THAT is Romance of the very highest caliber. I recommend this version; I find Gerard Depardieu's Cyrano to be too angry and Jose Ferrier's to lack fire, but Peter Donat is absolutely spectacular. The translation they use is also excellent and, as should be expected, the balcony scene is to die for.

Wonderful!

Melissa Lepley's picture

I'm so glad to see all of your posts! It's always intriguing to me to find out what other people find attractive. Especially when most of it is so very similar to my own inner list of wants.

And it's nice for me, to see or hear about people who are at least a bit similar to myself who are happy and in love. It's cheery! Laughing out loud

After reading all of your posts, I feel I have to add to my "Things I find attractive" list...

Besides the obvious (intelligence, rationality, integrity) I love being around a guy I can learn from. I met a guy once who beat me at chess every time we played...he got more and more attractive every time! (Of course, he also played the piano from memory, so there was pretty much no chance of me not falling for him...) Laughing out loud I like optimists, (or at least engineers, *wink* to Aaron), and while I'm not sure what being a "Romantic" (I hope it's a good thing, Ross!) fully consists of...I'm fairly sure I'd like it! A sense of humor that complements mine is very important, as is a fairly healthy helping of dirty-minded-ness. I'm sometimes...er...often a bit silly, and a guy who laughs with me instead of at me would be very attractive! Eye

If I found a man who can understand spending Friday nights thumbing through the used bookstore, and who doesn't get resentful of my wanting a certain amount of reading time...well, that would be wonderful. I love guys who are passionate about something, anything! Too many people I meet think it isn't "cool" to care very much about anything. Where is their fire? Where is the spark? Those guys might be "cool" to everyone else, but they're boring to me! Smiling

I agree with Laure about the math thing, mathematical minds are the very sexiest! I'm no math genius, though I love to learn new bits of it, but I'm a math appreciator. Like an art appreciator...I don't necessarily know how to create all the equations, but the finished work takes my breath away! Laughing out loud Really, seeing someone passionate about and very good at something I don't already know is such an incredible turn-on.

Also, could we discuss a bit what being a Romantic (capital "R") means in personal relationships? I understand romance, theoretically, but I don't like using words to which I can't assign a meaning.

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

Interesting topic.

Aaron's picture

Interesting topic.

For physical traits my tastes run mainstream other than some moderate quirks. I think I'm reasonably good at emphasizing the positive especially in anyone I've emotional or intellectual interest. Soft and sexy clothes and accessories are very enticing - I can easily fall for a girl with tastefully done rings, chains, earrings, silk, satin, velvet. Sexually - a woman close in drive and kinkiness to me - 'nuff said. Eye

Shared philosophical values and sense of life are a huge draw, though that should obviously be a given to any Oist! Similar wit I enjoy immensely, though perhaps ironically this means more for long term than as short term spark. Openness (beyond simple honesty, the willingness to share most anything) ranks extremely high all around.

Passionate intellectual connections though are where attraction becomes the most complex and intriguing! A woman must have passionate pursuits - be it her career or outside hobbies and interests. Bonus points if those include ability and desire to become engrossed in conversation on artificial intelligence, negative index of refraction materials, genetic engineering, undecidability or many similarly nerdy areas. Double bonus for right brained passions where I've not skill but have appreciation - I'm an utter fool for a musician, a sculptor, a poetess who can proudly share her creations. And then learning or teaching! Where some understanding of each others' most strongly held passions truly takes place - be it a woman who grasps my explanation of signal analysis or debugging nondeterministic timing issues - or one who gives me a spark of understanding of musical theory, literary analysis, or a poem or work of art - that's the ultimate to drive me wild.

Laure-

Aaron's picture

Laure-
Congratulations to you and your husband. That is so incredibly geeky and cool. (my one attempt at a Sudoku solver was also C++ except for some low-level optimization using SSE, but was largely brute force and slow as well Sticking out tongue)

Thanks Jenn, Yes

Ted Keer's picture

As someone who likes to write, starting a publishing firm would bore the hell out of me. I see it depends on the interest, and how that interest is expressed. I have respect for the creators of businesses. Once they get to the point where middle management neither knows the CEO nor the entry level employees, most businesses seem to become soulless automata. I was asked when I started my job, which I enjoy as it is fast paced, makes me money, and allows me to leave the job at work, and not take it home, if I wanted to pursue a management track. I made it quite clear that I much prefered being judged on my own productivity, not that of people I would essentially be babysitting. I believe that is what you want too, but that your productivity would be at the top of the chain.

Ted

Hmm.

Prima Donna's picture

Ted, I can't really offer comment on your final statement, as that is a personal preference; some people love it, some people do not.

In order to illustrate what I mean by "a soul for business," it's probably best to offer my personal perspective, and hopefully this will make what I'm saying clearer: If I were not at the helm of my own company, I'm not sure what I would do with myself (in the past, I've been quite miserable in such situations). I feel most at home -- most soulfully engaged -- when I am bringing a business idea to life: pulling together the vision, the people, the resources, and making them all work smoothly. In fact, I can think of nothing less dull! Smiling There is also power in the knowledge that every procedure and formula for conducting the business will stem from my set of values and no one else's (or in this case mine and my business partner's, which are completely aligned).

In short, I am the one blazing the trail toward my own destiny. I dig the hell out of that. This time in particular, as I'm watching the company grow, I have moments where I will sit and marvel at how far we've come, and where we're going. And when I think about pairing up with a mate, I realize that he needs to be able to understand and appreciate that view -- otherwise he just won't "get" me. What I'm doing needs to touch his soul in some way.

On a side note, I think it's also important that my business revolves around my life's passion. Now, if you asked me my level of interest in starting a mortgage company or an investment banking firm, you'd get a great big yawn. Eye

Does that make it any clearer?

Jennifer

-- Food Philosophy. Sensuality. Sass.

Jenn,

Ted Keer's picture

What do you consider a soul for business? As you know, I am happily taken. I certainly don't panic, can't think of when I ever have, even on 9-11, in the face of a gun, or as people I know have died. But I find finance and business dull. I can understand making money and customer service. I have been a waitress (sic) and work on comission even now. I am beloved by my customers, but my bosses tell me I am too helpful sometimes. This drives me up a wall. In any case, although I could run a business, it would be the last thing I'd ever say I wanted to do. Any comments?

Ted

What do I lIke?

Ted Keer's picture

Someone who likes me. Who knows the difference between an argument and a fight. Whose interests overlap, but do not exactly coincide with mine. Who can sit and read or watch a movie without flipping channels. Someone who can cook. Someone who speaks another language or plays an instrument other than the radio. Someone who is open to learning new things, and can teach me things I don't know. Someone who likes Shakespeare and Poetry, sci-fi and Thrash Metal, Beethoven, Patsy Kline, Outkast, House and Doctor Who. Someone who gets Rand, even if she doesn't become an Objectivist. Someone who isn't intimidated by me. Someone who smiles, and likes to cuddle. Someone with whom I would be friends even if we broke up. Someone who likes himself.

Ted

It's All Business, Baby.

Prima Donna's picture

Laure, I think I understand your viewpoint well, albeit from a different perspective.

My soul experiences a surge of joy when I meet a man with an incredible mind for business -- and the soul of an entrepreneur; someone who can create a well-oiled financial machine by indentifying the right individual pieces and putting them together with his talent. There is no greater lure for me than that. I find that men of that calibre are typically cool under pressure, which is a must for me. There is nothing worse than a man who panics at the first sign of difficulty! I think there is a certain level of intensity that comes with all of that.

Said males also tend to be very intense in...other areas. Smiling

Jennifer

-- Food Philosophy. Sensuality. Sass.

My Mathematica Wonk

Laure Chipman's picture

OK, here's mine.  I am a software engineer paired off with an optics professor.  I don't know if this is "what I value most" about him, but I really, really like being married to a math genius.  After working a couple of Sudoku puzzles, we decided to have a competition to write Sudoku-solver programs.  He beat me - I did mine in C++ and it took me an embarrassingly long 6 hours or so.  I think he finished his in about half the time in Mathematica.  (But mine has a nicer user interface and runs faster! Eye )

My son bought a little Rubik's-Cube-like toy, with 2 rows of numbers, 0 through 4 and 5 through 9 - you can move the rows to three positions, and spin the middle three numbers so the top and bottom interchange.  Goal is to get the numbers in order.  I asked my husband, "Isn't there some way you can solve this with linear algebra?"  Couple hours later, he has the game modeled in Mathematica.  We haven't solved it yet, but we are well on the way.

Women playing the violin

Mario's picture

I was a music major years ago, and from that time since I've always found women who play the violin simply mesmerizing. Piano comes a close second, and then the other string instruments. (Woodwinds block the face while playing.)

I can't quite explain my sense of it. Playing an instrument well, especially classical music (though I like lots of music), is really something like magic.

You know how for Harry Potter, or Gandalf, or for whomever, magical forces exist "out there" in a kind of chaos, but a wizard through a supreme act of will can focus these forces at the end of his wand or staff? I never really think these things when watching someone play, but that's the only thing I can ever think of to explain it.

The obvious concentration it takes to wield an instrument and produce sublime music is a big turn on. Plus, I've always found the hickeys that violinists get on their necks from practicing to be really cute.

That's not to say there aren't many other things that go into making a person attractive, but I found your comment about piano players interesting and I just wanted to chime in.
--
http://blog.mariodiana.com

Umm, Linz . . .

User hidden's picture

your offer is enticing (really!). But not what I am looking for in a husband. Maybe we could be partners in a new Objectivist porn industry venture?

Kelly

William . . .

User hidden's picture

you are totally right about the learning! I love people who are constantly getting into new things: new books, new ideas, new activities and hobbies, etc. One guy I am seeing now is like that. Whenever we get together, he always has some new and interesting tidbit to share. Very hot!

I also thought of this: I like people who respond to me in a certain way. I am kind of excitable, and I love people who appreciate that immediately. I like people who belly laugh when I am the only one laughing at my favorite joke (I am always the only one laughing, but I keep trying.) I like people who respond with open and genuine pleasure to the things I like best about myself.

Kelly

My romantic fantasies

J. Heaps-Nelson's picture

I'm happily married, but I like a woman who is curious,likes visiting museums, likes to travel, plays board games. Playing music is a plus. I also find women who can hit crisp, topspin tennis groundstrokes incredibly sexy.

Jim

William

Ross Elliot's picture

"I like to learn new things and I look for someone who knows the simple joy of understanding a new idea or learning a new skill. "

Very true. It's amazing how many people think it's uncool to get excited about learning something new or to discuss ideas.

Of course, I usually use irony to deflate their pomposity...

Fraser

Lindsay Perigo's picture

So, you crack whore: complaining about irony doesn't sum up your argument properly. A hatred of irony is misplaced. An overwhelming frustration with a community that is too chicken-shit to take a view, and to feel that view like a knotted muscle that has to be released with all the power you can muster; that is well placed. So spit on their fear, and dismiss their pathetic attempts and self-protection as the real targets of your disgust. Complaining about irony is too weak for what you are talking about.

This I like! Smiling But irony is part of what I spit upon. Not all, granted. Not all by any means. But it's integral to pomowanking.

And I certainly don't mean Cleese & Wilde (!?). I mean irony as a way of life.

Linz

PS—Why is everyone so chicken-shit cowardly?

Linz

Daniel Walden's picture

Oh, I know well that they exist; I just ended a relationship with one such guy. We were both happy with it while it lasted, and he's still a very good friend. Thankfully most of the gay/bi guys I know came out while here at Exeter, so they're almost totally insulated from the "mainstream" gay culture by the "boarding school bubble" that seems to surround the Academy. Quite a few are still unabashedly romantic in their outlook. Overall, I'd say my prospects are (at least right now) pretty sunny!

On searching for the Gems

What I look for in a mate is passion, intellectual curiosity, and confidence. I have things I get very passionate about and I like people who aren't afraid of that. I think the kind of idealism that it takes to be truly passionate about something is what is truly lacking in many of the guys I meet. I like to learn new things and I look for someone who knows the simple joy of understanding a new idea or learning a new skill. Confidence is another thing I look for that is a rare find. Not the boastful swagger of a drunk who thinks his looks make him worthy of my attention. I'm talking about the one who can look you in the eye and say what he thinks without apology or approval.

As for the lighter stuff I am drawn in by a good smile and a hearty laugh. They have to appreciate French Horn music (and stand listening to practicing). It also helps if they aren't afraid of people from the country (yes, I shoot guns for fun, know the difference between straw and hay, and don't think you have a yard if its less then an acre).

Wm

Islam insofar as it is directed by governments, and as a measure enforced from above by any government, is to be done away with.

Kelly

Lindsay Perigo's picture

Of course I can promise you lots of sex. I'll even let you watch.

Linz: I have repeatedly told

User hidden's picture

Linz: I have repeatedly told you that I will marry you if you can promise me lots of sex. I just don't think you'll come through on that part! I guess I forgot to mention in my list of things I find attractive in a man that they have to like girls!

Sandy: That's funny what you said about wine. I do judge my wine that way. I want something good that I will like very much, but I also want to the bottle to have a pretty and interesting picture. Same with guys. Integrity, rationality, and intellect are must haves. But there are so many other little things that make people match, so many little personality quirks that make people who they are. I want those things to match me too. I want a guy who loves his career, but isn't too ambitious. I want a guy who loves to read. I want a guy who looks interesting - not necessarily handsome, but striking somehow. I want a guy who is a little chill. None of these things are moral issues, but they are important in a match for me.

Kelly

Stature =

Sandi's picture

Integrity
Rationality
Intellect

If it comes in a plain package, so be it.

I don't judge my wine by the marketing on the outside of the bottle.

Kelly

Lindsay Perigo's picture

Marry me!

"How's that for some stream

Melissa Lepley's picture

"How's that for some stream of consciousness rambling, Melissa? :)"

Lovely!

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

Passion attracts me. I love

User hidden's picture

Passion attracts me. I love to see a person getting excited about what he does. I am attracted by a slightly different look, a slight alternative feel, a slight hippyish feel, a slight modern twist, a slight athletic look. I just like guys (and girls) to stand out a little bit in their style. I really love readers, and if you love my favorite authors, you're in baby! I'm a little bit on Linz's side; I don't much like irony or sarcasm or even people who are too witty. I like to laugh, but really I mostly laugh at simpler things (puns crack me up!). I am pretty literal and almost childishly frank, and people who conceal things, even in humor, frighten me a little bit. I like people who are very sensitive to the world around them, who can see all the things going on and understand what's happening with people. I like smart people. I like men who are very aggressive (not in a creepy way).

How's that for some stream of consciousness rambling, Melissa? Smiling

Kelly

Anyone else?

Melissa Lepley's picture

Come on people...

I happen to know that you all can argue about depressing crap half a world away until you're blue in the face...how about a little happiness? How about sharing some joy? Laughing out loud

Ross: You know...I play the piano a bit... Eye

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

Apologies to Mel for heading

Fraser Stephen-Smith's picture

Apologies to Mel for heading off on a tangent, but I think I know what you mean.

You want an internet based version of the friends who have arguments - loud arguments - with passionately held views, where no one has to mind their tone of voice because they don't base their entire sense of self on their friend's opinion. Where you can tell someone they're an idiot because of what they have just said, and they can respond in kind; and if the argument escalates, it eventually escalates to laughter. 

So, you crack whore: complaining about irony doesn't sum up your argument properly. A hatred of irony is misplaced. An overwhelming frustration with a community that is too chicken-shit to take a view, and to feel that view like a knotted muscle that has to be released with all the power you can muster; that is well placed. So spit on their fear, and dismiss their pathetic attempts and self-protection as the real targets of your disgust. Complaining about irony is too weak for what you are talking about.

Fraser/Ross

Lindsay Perigo's picture

None of these seem worthy of moral condemnation, so I'm not sure I know what you mean. Do you mean maintaining an emotional distance from the world? Refusing to show enthusiasm and demonstrating disdain for anyone who does? I understand that. Those kind of people can offer brief bouts of entertaining pub conversation, but no sense of life. Otherwise I sympathise with Ross, because I'm none the wiser as to what you are referring to.

Of course I mean that. Brief bouts of entertaining pub conversation, but no sense of life. Refusing to show enthusiasm and demonstrating disdain for anyone who does. Exactly. Now, ask yourself who's been guilty of this. Not I! SOLO was formed precisely to counter such crap. Most still don't get it. A dedication to "irony" is the most eloquent manifestation of not getting it. It's the purview of smart-ass pomowankers, bereft of idealism. We still have 'em. They came on my show today. It was wonderful, being able to talk about their insidious, passionless, monotoned superciliousness.

But why are such here??!! Have you read the Credo? The bit about sincerity? I know sincerity is quaint & uncool. But being on the level & not having to read between the lines is what SOLO is all about. Sorry if that's uncongenial to anyone's smart-ass pomo-wanking agenda.

Linz

Clarification on the Irony Thing

Fraser Stephen-Smith's picture

Linz - What is to hate about irony?

Socratic irony - where you pretend to be interested in the person's point of view, and keen to understand more in order to demonstrate their false conceptions by asking the right questions? Isn't that one of your frequent radio techniques?

An ironic statement, where you try to express the opposite of your literal meaning? I have seen you use this, often accompanied by a smiley face, Linz - but is presumably the defined comic irony you appreciate.

Dramatic irony, where the audience understands the misunderstandings that are driving the character's behaviours?

Or finally, a situation where the actual events differ from the ones you were expecting? Ed Byrne's infamous routine illustrates this well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT1TVSTkAXg

None of these seem worthy of moral condemnation, so I'm not sure I know what you mean. Do you mean maintaining an emotional distance from the world? Refusing to show enthusiasm and demonstrating disdain for anyone who does? I understand that. Those kind of people can offer brief bouts of entertaining pub conversation, but no sense of life. Otherwise I sympathise with Ross, because I'm none the wiser as to what you are referring to.

As to what I value most in Sarah: I do not have the skill to communicate it sufficiently in an internet post.

And it's just as well...

Ross Elliot's picture

...that I don't fancy Lindsay, as anyone who knows me knows that I mean comic irony and not some form of the dry Socratic kind.

Without irony, that is the juxtaposition between the expected and unexpected, the entire canon of British comedy both in literature and the performing arts would never have come into being.

God help us if the likes of John Cleese, Les Dawson, Bill Connolly and even dear Oscar Wilde had never existed!

Daniel

Lindsay Perigo's picture

I hope I'm wrong, but I fear you will find the quest for your "romantic" frustrating. The world now is full of nihilists and cynics. Nihilism and cynicism are "cool." As is "devastating irony." It's just as well I don't fancy Ross or vice versa. Smiling I despise irony, other than in small, discreet doses. Despise it, inexpressibly! I thank Galt I have some genuinely romantic relationships to look back on. Nowadays, in the gay world at least, it's all mind-games, gold-digging, notch-adding, social-climbing ...

Linz

"If these be Objectivists, give me dogs any day."

Edited to add: That said, I know one eligible young man right now who is an exception to this. I've no idea if you & he would be compatible, but just know that such people do exist, even if they're one in a trillion! Smiling

Good question Melissa

Mark Dow's picture

As I am one of the most cynical people you will ever meet, one who has zero faith in the human condition, one who despises all democrats, conservatives, god, religion, and materialism, I don’t know how I wound up married to someone who actually loves me. She is an optimist, she is positive, kind, attractive, and with a Goldie Hawn smile, she breathes life into this sorry carcass each and every day. And as I thought Libertarian/Objectivist males were destined for extinction, this really makes no sense to me. You think she would catch on, but it's been twenty-five years now.

Melissa...

Ross Elliot's picture

...you're a true romantic.

For me, obviously intelligence, quick wits, a wicked, knowing glint in the eye and a devastating sense of irony.

Physically, other than the obvious, gimme a slender and dexterous pair of hands. I'm with you on the piano thing: any woman who could caress the ivories, could caress moi Eye

My Preferences

Daniel Walden's picture

Note: I usually go for men nowadays, so I'll be using he, him, etc.

Any guy I consider absolutely must be an artist of some kind, whether as a hobby or as a single-minded devotion. He needs to understand the kind of passion required of an artist and the emotional depths to which art can bring us. That's mainly what led me to my as-of-yesterday-ex boyfriend (the parting was amiable), and it's still the number one attractor factor in my book.

Intelligence is important too; I never find myself falling for people whom I don't respect intellectually. I love to argue and debate, especially with those whom I'm close to; it's wonderful mental exercise and you get to know a person so well when you're face-to-face in a fiery debate about something or other.

The final qualifier is a benevolent sense of life. Cynics frustrate and anger me, and nihilists are simply horrifying. I fall for romantics: those who begin with the assumption that life should be like a high adventure story a la Cyrano de Bergerac and who maintain that assumption even when life fails to live up to it.

On Amy

Landon Erp's picture

Mainly, I'm happy with how overwhelmingly positive of a person Amy is. She has such a joyous approach to everything that it's just great to be around her. That and her inner reserves of strength she's capable of things I don't see many other people capable of.

---Landon

Inking is sexy.

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/wickedlakes

For me...

Melissa Lepley's picture

If I see a man intently reading a book that I enjoyed, it's a big turn-on. However, my very favorite thing is: Guys who play the piano. There is something about a man playing the piano (and to a lesser extent, any musical instrument) that makes me love him just a little right off the bat. It's really the combination of manual dexterity and love of music...there is a certain joy in life that musicians evince that is simply intoxicating to me!

Melissa

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

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