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SOLO Press Release—It's Not Your Body, Adolf Anderton!
Submitted by Lindsay Perigo on Thu, 2007-06-28 08:58
The Socialist Republic of Aotearoa-New Zealand's descent into full-blown tyranny, fresh from its straitjacketing of journalists, cameramen and photographers covering proceedings in the Republic's Reichstag, accelerated further today with the announcement by Associate Health Minister Adolf Anderton that BZP, the active ingredient in party pills, will be made illegal from next year. It will be classified as a class C drug, the same as marijuana. Anyone who pops a party pill will face up to three months in jail.
Speaking on TV3 tonight, Herr Anderton said young folk should rely on their "natural hormones" to get high. SOLO Principal Lindsay Perigo says Adolf is demonstrating yet again that the only thing that gets him high, droning misery-bag and killjoy that he is, is the thought of sending others to jail for things that are none of his business and the sin of enjoying themselves.
"Herr Anderton's spiritual precursor, Adolf Hitler, would be proud of his protege," says Perigo. "Hitler was a fanatical anti-smoker and teetotaller who tried to control his young subjects' bodies through his Strength Through Joy programme. There was nothing joyous about it, just enforced, dutiful subservience to the Fuehrer's dicta. Hitler would thoroughly approve of the fact that soon our fun police will have yet another excuse to burst into homes and night-clubs and cart people off to jail.
"What people put in their own bodies is their own affair. The ingestion of truly harmful substances should be a matter of rational dissuasion, not criminal sanction. Herr Anderton, however, is interested only in indulging his own congenital control-freakery to ensure that everyone is as miserable as he is. He ought to get out more, though it's understandable that no one invites him anywhere.
"I would urge Adolf's physician to place him on a course of Euphoria, to counter his natural misery hormones," Perigo concludes.
Lindsay Perigo, email@example.com, 021 255 8715
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