Joe Idoni's picture
Submitted by Joe Idoni on Sun, 2006-01-01 18:27

When talking to a person whose views are unintegrated, does one need to unintegrate to speak to them effectively? I only ask because I have a friend who is firmly entrenched in the christian cult of AA and I said I would talk to her about some problems that she has been having. These mainly reside with her complete inability to maintain a relationship for over a month and her complete lack of self-esteem.

I know in my mind that these behaviors are all resultant from the same ideology, but I do not believe that it would be the most effective tactic for me to attack the whole thing in one go. In fact, I feel as though the only way to talk to her effectively about this situation is to pretend as if all her problems are unrelated.

Is this right? Is there a better way that I am missing?


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Pulled it off like twice in my whole life

Landon Erp's picture

Pulled it off like twice in my whole life. Not something I'd like doing on a regular basis.

It all basically comes back to fight or flight.


Joe Idoni's picture

The irony of this thread is that even had I wanted to give her dis-integrated information, I still couldn't. I gave the whole thing in relation to interpersonal relationships. I spanned the whole gamut from beginning to end.

Do you know what it's like explaining not just what altruism and socialism are, but what they mean? Smiling


The whole truth

sjw's picture

Idoni: Giving someone "the whole truth" does not imply giving them a reading of OPAR or the equivalent sort of detailed brain-dump. If you think the alternative in communicating or thinking is between a lecture series which gives the whole truth, and disintegrated out of context splinters... well that is very false and a very bad way to think that will lead you to a plethora of epistemological and moral problems.


Joe Idoni's picture


I don't really know that she could handle the full brunt of psycho-epistemology yet. Smiling Besides, I don't even have it in my library!



Joe Idoni's picture


Thank you for your response. I fear that either I am not representing the situation correctly or I am ignoring the truth. For the former, I cannot do as you suggest. Just as any life-reforming idea, I know that it must be instituted gradually versus completely. Therefore, to give her the whole truth would force her to shut down and not be able to process it fully. Such is the danger of living a life where one is inundated with a jumbled and ridiculous ideology.

For the latter, well, I should just smack myself and re-read my entire library because clearly I've confused myself on a major point. Smiling

But really, I appreciate it. I will take it into account when I talk to her today.


Joe, would she be willing to

Titan's picture

Joe, would she be willing to read something like "Honoring The Self" by Nathaniel Branden?

Be honest

sjw's picture

Assuming you value the person, the best thing you can do is give your honest opinion. There are many ways this can vary to best get your message accross--the logical order, the tone, the level of abstraction and word choice, the emphasis and explanation of various things--but to deliberately disintegrate your thoughts because you think she can't handle them is manipulative and condescending. If you think so poorly of her that you think the only way to talk to her is not tell her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, then you probably shouldn't be talking to her at all.

Take care in giving advice too. There's no shortcut to a person thinking and deciding for themselves what's best. The best you can do is help her to think through things; ultimately it has to be her own thoughts and conclusions that she relies on.

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