SOLO-NZ Hails Bradford's Anti-Arguing Bill

Fresh from the stunning success of her anti-smacking bill, which ended child abuse in New Zealand overnight, Green MP Sue Bradford, with the backing of Helen Clark, is drafting several new private members bills that collectively are designed to bring about the Utopia that eluded Thomas More and Karl Marx by year's end. Lions will lie down with lambs, Osama will French-kiss Dubya, and ... well, you get the idea.

First is a bill to ban arguing. Bradford says arguing is a form of coercion, and if it's outlawed, there'll be no more rapes or murders. Her contention is backed up by research by Auckland University's Women's Studies and Sociology departments, who say that free speech is a dangerous illusion. What people say, they say, is determined by their class, race and gender. Any white middle class male who pretends to be expressing an opinion is really just advancing his agenda of rape and murder. Since opinions cannot be trusted, they shouldn't be allowed.

Next is a bill to ban advertising, since it is a form of arguing, and thus, a form of coercion.

After that comes a bill to ban alcohol, since it makes people argumentative. Moreover, alcohol-pushers advertise.

Then there's the bill to ban tonic water, since folk add vodka to it, once they've seen a vodka ad.

Finally comes the bill to ban water itself, lest folk carbonate it, add quinine to it, turn it into tonic water, add vodka to it, become opinionated and argumentative and commit rapes and murders, in accordance with their white, male, middle-class agendas.

When reminded that water is a constituent of all living matter, essential to life itself, and that to ban water would be to ban life, Bradford responds: "What took you so long?"

SOLO - www.solopassion.com

Lindsay Perigo - 021 255 8715

Mitch Lees - 027 243 1676