An open letter to Jim Anderton

Lance's picture
Submitted by Lance on Tue, 2007-08-21 08:00.

Dear sir,
Thank you for your flier this afternoon re: BZP and the imminent BAN. The prolific nature of this drug has, for a long time, left me feeling quite concerned. (I never felt safe walking the streets, lest I trip, fall and swallow a bottle of BZP.)
But I am afraid my concerns have not been addressed fully. There is another prolific psychoactive drug out there called 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine. This is worse than BZP (it even sounds worse!) in addition to the shared adverse effects of BZP, such as insomnia, headaches and anxiety, 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine also causes anaphylaxis and deteriorates the internal organs. 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine is highly addictive and widely available, in both pill and liquid form.
I implore you Mr Anderton, as the Associate Minister of Health (Responsible for Drug Policy) to move to ban 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine before it is too late and it's consumption becomes deeply ingrained in our culture. If that were to happen, those selfish idiots that are poisoning themselves and hurting our children will never give it up. If you can't get it banned, please try to make it mandatory for all products containing 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine to have warning labels and graphic pictures of organ deterioration attached. Then perhaps a move to restrict it's sale to 21 year olds and over. If you take it a little step at a time, 'The People' won't realise what you are up to and will gladly welcome the changes that, after all, are for their own good!

You sir are a champion of 'The People', and your ongoing crusade to fight to protect the fine citizens of the Socialist People's Republic of Clarkistan from themselves has not gone unnoticed and when it comes time to vote; I hope that this will be reflected.

Warmest regards,
Comrade Lance.


( categories: )

In 1911, kola became the

Lance's picture

In 1911, kola became the focus of one of the earliest documented health scares when the US government seized 40 barrels and 20 kegs of Coca-Cola syrup in Chattanooga, Tennessee, alleging that the caffeine in its drink was "injurious to health".
On March 13, 1911, the government initiated The United States v. Forty Barrels and Twenty Kegs of Coca-Cola, hoping to force Coca-Cola to remove caffeine from its formula by making claims, such as that the excessive use of Coca-Cola at one girls' school led to "wild nocturnal freaks, violations of college rules and female proprieties, and even immoralities."


Yes, I did wonder if I was

Lance's picture

Yes, I did wonder if I was perhaps being a little insensitive to Mr Anderton, but like my dear old gran used to say
"Fuck em if they can't take a joke!"


Anderton

Elijah Lineberry's picture

seems to be acting in response to the problems his son had a few years back.

"No parent should have to go through what I went through..."

blah, blah, blah...and I can understand that, despite its underlying naivety.

One reason I favour the complete legalisation of drugs is because those which are available, such as "P", are the drugs equivalent of "Bathtub Gin"...complete rubbish, in other words.
Whereas taking cocaine or heroin would mean consuming drugs of a much higher quality.

Anderton's policy simply adds to a Black Market for drugs.


Comrade Jameson I feel your

Lance's picture

Comrade Jameson I feel your pain, I only hope my message gets through to Jim soon, otherwise 'The People' might go overboard and start gathering in "1,3,7-trimethylxanthine houses" where they sit around taking dose after dose. I'm hoping to commission a report into how much this is costing the country's economy in terms of health care and lost productivity. Our brother workers, so downtrodden under their evil capitalist overlords, are even taking 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine during their work day.


I had a double shot

Jameson's picture

of 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine this morning and I'm all wired and jumpy... please, will someone help me break my addiction...? Smiling


Note: credit to the caller

Lance's picture

Note: credit to the caller on Lindsay's show on Friday for 'Clarkistan'.
Edit: and bugger this open letter nonsense, I sent Jim a copy as well Eye
2nd Edit: NZ soloists should keep an eye out for the flier in question, appearing in a mailbox near you soon, you can't miss the dramatic typeset and lovely red motif.


Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.