Lindsay's Radio Editorial, 6 September: The Assault on Salt

JulianD's picture
Submitted by JulianD on Wed, 2007-09-05 21:02

Audio and text from Lindsay's Radio Pacific Editorial, Thursday Sept 6:

Oh dear. Now it's salt. Fresh from their failed attempt to ban all beverages but water from the workplace, the nutri-nazis are now seeking to withhold the Heart Foundation tick from bread with salt in it. Or more than one grain per loaf. They're doing us a favour, thankfully. At least in future we'll know to avoid the breads that have the tick. Not only will they be tasteless, but eating them could well cause us to end up looking like the anorexic eunuch from the Heart Foundation who intoned on the matter on TV3 last night.

Meanwhile a Member of Parliament has responded to my editorial about the water-only workplace proposal with an invitation to join her for a drink at the Beehive. She's promised it won't be water, since fish poo in it. Very similar to the reason I myself avoid water, except when it's heavily diluted with alcohol.

When I go to Parliament, I shall of course seek to carry on where Guy Fawkes left off. When our lawmakers openly confess to trying to poison the proletariat with fish poo, you know it's time for revolution. Syd Jackson would be proud of me.

Before I fly off to a martyr's paradise, however, I'm going to savour the delicious spectacle of an American president telling journalists with not a whole brain among them that if they're worried about greenhouse gasses they should embrace nuclear—or, as he unfortunately insists, nukular—power. He’s quite right, even if he can’t pronounce it—and to see him jovially recommending it to that harem of hacks in Sydney was delectable.

Also appetising was learning that Dubya has plans for massive airstrikes against 1,200 targets in Iran, designed to annihilate the Islamo-Fascist filth’s military capability in three days. Details on my web site.

Matter of fact, I think I’ll postpone my martyrdom in order to linger for long enough to see the Iranian regime achieve its. I wasn’t here for the defeat of Hitler. I’d like to be around to see the contemporary holocausters get what’s coming to them. And to rub the noses of their fellow-travellers in academia and the media right in it.

And when toasting life with my MP host, I shall remember the words of Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson:

“Me? Well, what I love most of all is binge drinking. Really getting stuck in. Hosing back the cocktails until the room begins to swim and my legs seem to be on backwards.”

Oh, and pass the salt would you, Jason?

  • Artist: Perigo
  • Title: Radio Pacific
  • Length: 3:04 minutes (1.32 MB)
  • Format: MP3 Stereo 44kHz 60Kbps (VBR)

Ha

Elijah Lineberry's picture

ha...that is the funniest thing I have heard in ages! Sticking out tongue

(let's add Clayton Cosgrove and Hone Harawira to the list) Sticking out tongue

No One Throw Salt On The Flames

Sandi's picture

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks,

"What's going on?"

"Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Helen Clark, Michael Cullen, Trevor Mallard and Sue Bradford. They're asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.

We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"

" Most people are giving about 4 litres"

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