Well, I'm a college man at last. Went through my orientation along with all the mandatory "diversity" crap that they throw at us. Watched as most of the class swore that they wouldn't ever get drunk, and then three days later saw most of the damn school walking around completely smashed. Ironically for someone who loves good beer and good wine, I'm living in a chem-free dormitory. My reason is that living in such a place doesn't prohibit me from drinking; it just means that I can't drink in the dormitory, and I can't come back to the dormitory completely pissed. This means that I'll never have to deal with someone wandering into my room and passing out/vomiting/doing anything unsavory on my floor. Also, I'm not terribly likely to drink a whole lot here, since the only thing available is the cheapest American swill. No, I'd best wait until my dad and I do our pub crawl in Ireland this summer

But over the summer, there was something more pressing looming over me than the "drink or no" question. It was this: what does a lover of reason study if he's in love with literature and philosophy, the two most corrupted departments at universities the world over? Well, I thought I'd have a look first. Maybe the departments at my particular college would have enough decent courses that I could move through.

Well, it wasn't so. The English department is so infused with PoMo "cultural studies" wankery that I'm surprised it hasn't begun requiring its students to learn Swahili. Meanwhile, the philosophy department has a solid base, but the advanced-level courses are almost all junk. I think I'll stick with a minor in that department.

But then I found it: the place where I can indulge in all the rational thought and love for language and ideas that I want. "Where is this mythical department?" you might ask. Simple: the department of Classics. Yes, my fellow SOLOists, I have set myself on the path to a low salary and a forever-modest lifestyle. But frankly, I think the sheer joy of reading Homer and Aristotle and Sophocles and Aeschylus and Cicero and Virgil and Caesar for the rest of my life will make up for it. So far, Latin and Ancient Greek have been a delight to learn, and my professors' enthusiasm for the subject matches or overshadows my own. And although the work won't be lucrative, it will certainly be steady; apparently Latin teachers are in demand all over the country, so I won't have a problem getting a job in the downtime between my undergraduate and graduate work. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some translations to do