A couple of nights ago, I decided to take a break from my near-incessant studying and stretch my legs with a walk around campus. As it was a weekend night at a New England college, cheap beer was flowing like water and a great number of people were taking full advantage of it. Most of them ignored me just as I ignored them, but on the way back to my dormitory I was approached by a girl who had obviously tossed a few back already. Apparently she was hunting for people to bring to a party or a dance, and I happened to be the only male in the immediate area. She asked me if I would join her and I politely declined, saying that those sorts of things just aren't my bag. She hinted that there might be "a nice surprise" for me if I came with her, and again I said that I just didn't particularly want to go. At that point, she got belligerent, asking "God, are you some kind of fag or something?!" I was shocked for a moment, but then promptly replied, "Yes. I've also got a short temper, a sharp tongue, a tested I.Q. higher than you can count, and evidently a much better upbringing than a back-country whore like you. Kindly leave me alone and go back to the trailer in which you were accidentally conceived." She grew furious and rambled about reporting me to the Dean of Students, and I walked off.

When I related the story to my roommate, he immediately dove for his copy of the student handbook and paged through it. He then showed me the section regarding verbal harassment of another student. Apparently, "being subject to emotional distress" is a valid reason for reporting someone else to the Dean of Students.

Thankfully the story ends happily. Apparently the drunken bitch was too pissed to remember to do as she promised, so I got off without incident. But the fact remains: she used a term of abuse that is unacceptable among civilized people save in a few exceptional cases (i.e. my intimate friends joking with me), and I gave her the response she deserved. Yet by school policy, I would have been investigated and a citation (though probably no subsequent punishment) would have gone on my permanent record. And all because of some ignorant cow's supposed right to not be offended.