Men ate my free will(warning, this is a Solo Thrust post, so be prepared to be offended.)

Jody Gomez's picture
Submitted by Jody Gomez on Thu, 2006-01-19 04:42

Do you feel that there is a double standard out there? How often do you see women blaming men for the problems in their life, whether it be an eating disorder or low self-esteem. How many times have you heard that what MEN portray as the ideal woman has a profound negative effect upon women. Take a look around the pages of a publication like Cosmo and tell me if the men you see portrayed there represent the average, then tell me the last time you heard a man blame his failures in life on the unrealistic portrayal of men. If women like to look at and portray their ideal man, we simply go on with our lives.

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Andrew Bissell's picture

Ashley, your titling a post "Eat This" on SOLO Thrust constitutes flagrant false advertising. All the same, I really liked what you had to say.

Eat This

Ashley's picture

Well, first of all, your initial questions were:

"Do you feel that there is a double standard out there? How often do you see women blaming men for the problems in their life, whether it be an eating disorder or low self-esteem. How many times have you heard that what MEN portray as the ideal woman has a profound negative effect upon women."

Jody, maybe you are hanging out with the wrong women, because I see women blaming men for their problems very infrequently. If I hear anything about harmful portrayals of women, I hear that "society" or "the media" portrays a harmful image. Personally, I think that women are just as judgemental, if not more so, of other women.

I also don't think most women are getting their information from Cosmo. That magazine is consumed by young ladies who are just beginning to get their head around who they want to be. They haven't figured out men, they haven't figured out what they want, they don't have their own ideas. As I have matured, I find that the Cosmo genre of magazine holds no appeal whatsoever. The magazines I read are primarily literary or academic, but even the women's magazines I read speak intelligently to issues I care about and carry a theme of empowerment and independence for women. On my desk, I have copies of Oprah magazine, Yoga Journal, and Black Book. There are articles about style, about financial planning, about cooking and eating healthfully. Glancing at the table of contents for the January issue of "O", I see an article titled "What Do These Women Have That You Don't?" The teaser says this: "The first step to becoming someone everyone wants to be around is to fall a little bit in love with yourself." The article continues in the same vein. There is only one article about men in this magazine, and it is called "Promises of an Unwed Father" and is a story about a man who is determined to be square with his responsibilities and not abandon his child as others in his family have done.

And surely you are kidding about this: "If women like to look at and portray their ideal man, we simply go on with our lives." While we are generalising about genders, I could tell you plenty of stories about insanely jealous men who beat, stalk, harrass, or even kill women over petty bullshit which either of us might call 'looking at or portraying their ideal man.' I wouldn't waste my time with a man like that, just as you wouldn't waste your time with a woman who blames men for her problems and derives her self-esteem from what they think of her.

I am reasonably attractive but not model slim or movie star gorgeous. I have never in my life had any trouble getting the attention of smart, sexy, interesting men or women. My experience tells me that there are plenty of people out there who value substance over appearance. If you want to make a men vs. women type comparison, compare beautiful shallow women to beautiful shallow men and flavorful, substantive women to flavorful, substantive men. I think you will find that the genders have a lot more in common that you think.

Of course there's a double

Ross Elliot's picture

Of course there's a double standard. What's new? The women are in control and the smart ones know it. As long as they don't mind being tied up and spanked several times a month, I really don't care. Smiling

There's a natural order of things in this world and those of us who've worked that out don't get our tits in a twist. The real danger, as with all things, is the political meddling that seeks to mitigate the supposed injustices of natural forms.

I still open doors for women, hold chairs and stand when and a lady walks into the room. Call it programming or call it natural deference or respect, who cares?

I'll admit, it's getting harder to tell a genuinely wicked woman from a cloth-eared slag but if you get burned twice then more fool you. Good men find good women... eventually Smiling

It's a great photo ...

Duncan Bayne's picture

... perhaps Mr. Sturm would care to take a leaf out of your book and update his photo to something less, well, horrendous really Smiling


Jon Letendre's picture

I sent it in.

Ok, I'll take a stab here...

Pete L's picture


I think there is more societal pressure on women to have a knockout body due to male's sexual psychology. Generally speaking, men are much more visually oriented sexually than women - and women know this! For example, excluding those who use it with their boyfriends, how many women do you know of who use pornography? Very few at best!

Women are more likely to be turned on sexually by factors other than looks alone. We've all noticed couples where there is a drastic looks discrepency between the two individuals. And in these cases, it is far more likely to see an average or below average looking guy with a hot chick than it is to see a fashion model caliber dude with an average or below average looking woman. Agreed?

Factors like money, sense of humor or an exceptional skill can level the playing field for an unattractive guy, whereas the equivalent attributes on an unattractive woman will typically NOT yield her Brad Pitt or his equivalent. Yes, there are exceptions, but they are precisely that: exceptions!

And we've all heard of the term "trophy wife" - note that there isn't an equivalent "trophy husband" phenomenon with women.

Because of the tremendous amount of visual media out there showing the ultimate standard of the female form, women are constantly aware that they don't "measure up". For many women, simple genetics won't even allow them to reach that standard. Yes, the same holds true for men, but men can often have confidence that other strengths can make them competitive.

I'm not trying to excuse women who make a huge deal out of this as a way of deflecting their problems in life, but I do think that it's an apples and oranges comparison. Thoughts?

Quit your whinging

Jon Letendre's picture

I’ll send it in when I am good and ready.

Oi, Jon you slacker, where's your photo?

Duncan Bayne's picture

If you'd like, email it to and I'll upload it for you.

Frequently ...

Duncan Bayne's picture

... but then, I also frequently see men blaming women for their lack of drive & purpose in life. "Well, I'd have been a top-level executive but for the wife & kids ..." or "I don't have the time to get ahead at work while raising a family."

Both of which, of course, may be true - but a real man gets his priorities straight from the outset, or corrects them - he doesn't sit around whinging about it.

Oh no?

Jon Letendre's picture

“…we simply go on with our lives, we don't go to the bathroom after every meal to puke it all up.”

That isn’t what you are doing?

I liked the pictures of perfect forms better than this.


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