In a press release entitled American Airhead, written during the Republocrat primaries, I opined that the contest thus far resembled nothing so much as American Idol and that the parties might as well select Paris Hilton and Britney Spears and be done with it. In the event, as we now know, they selected John McCain and Barack Obama. Senator McCain, an avid SOLO reader, evidently recognises a good one-liner when he sees it and is not one to let it go to waste, for, as we now also know, he has just likened Senator Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Ms. Hilton has responded by declaring herself an independent candidate for the presidency. Announcing her candidacy in Airheadian, she concluded: "And I'm like, so totally ready for this role." Britney Spears, of course, will be her running mate.

I, like, totally told John not to take the joke any further lest what did happen would happen. But I can't really blame him. I started it, after all. And he has to, like, reach out, and I'm cool with that. He had to break off our most recent conversation, just a few minutes ago, because Posh Beckham came through on the other line. No prizes for guessing who his running mate will be. And it might not be all bad for us hard-core Objectivists. When he came back to me he was singing, "What I want, what I really really want is to bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran."

If the Hilton/Spears ticket wins, however, I'll be, like, so totally bummed out, 'cos the Triumph of the Airheads will be complete, and it'll be, like, my bad. I'll be, like, "Oh my God, I'm so totally outta here."