SOLO-International Press Release: Have a SOL Xmas!

Lindsay Perigo's picture
Submitted by Lindsay Perigo on Thu, 2008-12-18 05:43

SOLO-International Press Release: Have a SOL Xmas!

December 18, 2008

As usual, with the advent of the festive season, an army of anti-festive nutri-nazis has unleashed itself on unsuspecting would-be merry-makers, determined to quash any intimation of anything remotely resembling enjoyment, notes SOLO Principal Lindsay Perigo.

"Among these po-faced puritans and professional stick-insects is Sarah Elliott, 'nutrition' writer for the NZ Herald. Mzzzzzz Elliott's admonition is to avoid anything deep-fried, remove the pastry-top from pies, chomp on veggie sticks with salsa, and dilute one's alcohol-lite with water. This she calls a 'strategy' for 'managing' one's food and alcohol intake.

"It is timely to counter this fashionable, sense-of-death killjoyism with an alternative, sense-of-life (SOL) strategy for managing one's food and god-nectar intake," Perigo sighs. "I can do no better than adopt Mzzzzzzzz Elliott's strategy with appropriate modifications:

"Go for the double-strength beer or triple-nips of spirits. Avoid diet mixers like the plague.

"Gorge on all things deep-fried. Throw up all over items such as sushi, rice paper rolls and veggie sticks with salsa.

"For dessert, disdain the fresh fruit-based options and devour with relish the chocolate cake and the cheesecake.

"Mince pie management is also vital (mince pies can be as few as 240 calories a pop). A simple, but effective, trick is to eat two instead of one. If you can't manage two, try one plus the round pastry top of another, which can add a third more calories and hugely boost your enjoyment.

"In short, Mzzzzzzzz Elliott and all your fellow-nutri-nazis, you can stick your sticks—and your sick, sour, big-stick statism—with or without salsa, right up your frigid fannies. May everyone else enjoy a SOL Christmas,” Perigo concludes.

Lindsay Perigo 021 255 8715

SOLO (Sense of Life Objectivists)

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Well, what do you...

Ross Elliot's picture

...expect from someone who can't even spell Elliot correctly? An imposter, obviously.


mvardoulis's picture

...I've been on a few dates where I felt like I was being crucified...? Does that count...? Smiling

Merry Sense of Life Christmas to all you lot on SOLO! And another great one, Linz (though in addition to fried food and calorie - rich treats I enjoy sushi and wouldn't throw up on it as you suggested, especially with a few tall bottles of saki, my take on a pacific rim-influenced holiday).

Well said, Lindsay!

Jameson's picture

Gave me a laugh out loud! Smiling

Here's a decadent Christmas fuck you to the Food-Fascists...

Would you also dismiss...

Marcus's picture

...St Valentines Day for the same reason?

Have you heard of anybody feeling more 'Christian' when they go on a romantic date at the time?

Actually, reed, Christmas

Callum McPetrie's picture

Actually, reed, Christmas replaced a Pagan holiday from which we get a lot of the traditions of Christmas.

"Socialism may be dead, but its corpse is still rotting up the place." -Ayn Rand

with or without salsa, right

Lance's picture

with or without salsa, right up your frigid fannies.

Ye gods! Ewwwww! Was that really necessary? Barf!

"You should boycott this

Lance's picture

"You should boycott this mystical celebration on principle."

You'd think the Christians would too then, I mean on principle. After all, date wise it's not exactly a celebration of Jesus' birthday, even then had they managed to get the date correct (or at least not conflicting with the accounts given), Jesus' birthday as cause for a specific Christian celebration is a rather recent trend.

I guess it doesn't matter though since despite it's considered irrelevance in the past it is the done thing now and is becoming/has become a Christian tradition (they gotta start some time right?) and the seemingly arbitrary date selected is not necessarily shackled to its pagan origins as the celebration of Sol Invictus. Christians adopted it and moved on.

As it stands for the "non-mysticists" among us, well alot of us feel the same way as those Christian folk. Except in our (and I say "our" speaking for whomever it applies not necessarily all non-mysticists lest someone try to "gotcha!" me on such a trivial point) case it has become a traditional focal point on the calender, whatever its past attachments, for celebration of friends and family ties, the exchanging of gifts and all the frippery such as trees, angels, mistletoe, Santa, the Jesus nonsense, can be taken or left for the silliness it is.

Merry Christmas Reed Smiling Saturn loves you!

"Sugar Free Plum Fairies"

Sandi's picture


PhilipD's picture

 You haven't attended a refresher course at the Goode-Howison Sensitivity Training School, have you? Or did you fail ?  :P


"The ultimate result of shielding men from folly is to fill the world with fools."

-Herbert Spencer 

"The trick is to eat two instead of one"

Sandi's picture

May you fill yer boots with the cream of indulgence.


You mean "Christmas"?

reed's picture

You should boycott this mystical celebration on principle. - Websites made easy.


Olivia's picture

So funny.... "... with or without salsa, right up your frigid fannies."

The ice-crotch Queens!!!!
And they wonder why their men leave them.

"Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

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