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Watchmen: Corrupted Superheroes
Submitted by Jameson on Sat, 2009-03-07 14:49
*SPOILER ALERT* (though I'm not sure how one can spoil something so corrupted)
I'd say Amy beat me to the punch, but frankly her film review felt more like the slap of a damp ticket stub. This film is evil - so evil I don't want to spend any more time reviewing it than I need to, so I'll kick it off by cribbing IMdB's synopsis: "Watchmen is set in an alternate 1985 America in which costumed superheroes are part of the fabric of everyday society, and the "Doomsday Clock" - which charts the USA's tension with the Soviet Union - is permanently set at five minutes to midnight. When one of his former colleagues is murdered, the washed up but no less determined masked vigilante Rorschach sets out to uncover a plot to kill and discredit all past and present superheroes."
Watchmen starts with a hiss and a roar, and a character we should like, Rorschach, hijacked from Steve Ditko's Objectivist comic book hero The Question. He is the moral heart of the film, a kick-ass vigilante who refuses to compromise his principles for anything or anyone. However, from the outset we're left to question Rorschach's motives: he's on a quest to find the killer of a fellow superhero, The Comedian, a sadistic sonofabitch who kills for laughs and violently rapes the mother of Jupiter the sexy superheroine. The more we learn about The Comedian the more we hate him, and the more we wonder why the fuck we should care he was assassinated. The moral ambiguities continue for 163 blood-splattering minutes, during which we see the slaughter of Lee Iacocca and a half dozen other 'greedy' giants of industry.
Turns out the bad guy is one of their own, Ozymandias, the brainiest and wealthiest of the lot. His plan is as evil as it is communist: leveling every major 'greedy' city on the planet with atomic bombs and providing energy to the world's survivors -- for free -- thereby destroying the menace of competition so the world may live in peace.
The director keeps tricking us into thinking the other superheroes are good by having them wipe out hordes of other scumbags as they dig deeper into the conspiracy ~ a trick because in the end he pulls the rug out from under us all. In the climatic battle Ozymandias proves too strong and too clever for Rorschach, Jupiter and her impotent lover The Night Owl. The one guy who could have saved the world is the irradiated Dr. Manhattan (a humourless and compassionless twerp who looks like he escaped from the Blue Man Group) but unfortunately he was sulking on Mars when the shit hit the fan and all the great cities were evaporated. When he finally turns up he discovers he's been framed for the destruction of civilisation, and accepts he has to shoulder the blame in order to prevent WWIII. It's here he makes his great moral choice, sparing the evil Ozymandias and murdering the uncompromising Rorschach who refuses to go along with the lie.
In the denouement we're left with Jupiter who corrupts herself by kissing goodbye her ambivalent ex-lover Dr. Manhattan, Jupiter's limp-dicked-second-choice-for-a-lover the Night Owl, a smarmy bad guy working for the greater good of humanity, and the bloody-ink-blotted guts of poor Rorschach splattered across the pure-driven snow.
My girlfriend and I were disgusted. Later on I overheard the theatre's barista saying to his mate, "Hey, dude, have you seen Watchmen?!! It's so cool - it's, like, the best!!"
Hey, dude, like, gag me with a latte spoon.
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