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Airbus Crash: Muslims Responsible (Not Terrorists)Submitted by Jameson on Fri, 2009-04-17 04:10
Kasper found this amusing. I think we'll all get a giggle out of it too. A brand new Airbus A340-600, the largest passenger airplane ever built, sits just outside its hangar in Toulouse, France, without a single hour of airtime on the clock.
The Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies (ADAT) board to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi.
The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area. Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with an unladen aircraft. Not having read the run-up manuals they had no clue just how light an empty A340-600 really is.
The take-off warning horn started to sound in the cockpit because the flaps and slats had not been properly configured and all the engines were at full throttle. The aircraft computers thought they were trying to take off.
One of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm. This fools the aircraft into thinking it's in the air.
The computers automatically released the brakes and launched the aircraft forward... really really fast.
The ADAT crew had no idea this is a safety feature to prevent pilots from landing with the brakes on.
None of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough to throttle back the engines as at it careened down the runway. The $200 million brand-new aircraft crashed into a blast barrier, totalling it.
The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to the news blackout in the major media.
This was because coverage of the story was deemed insulting to Muslim Arabs. Finally, the photos are starting to leak out. ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!!
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Thanks, Gregster...
This is PURL 1.0 ... already looking at refinements to the copy, and getting more visuals in there. We just needed to get the thing up and running so we can start making money.
Our proper launch is in 5 weeks - to the advertising & marketing industries. We've bought a wrap-around cover of the May issue of AdMedia magazine - each cover will have the recipient's name written on the champagne cork, with the headline: "Mind if we call you, Greg?" (or whatever their name is).
Should be some fun.
Excellent ideas Glenn
Liked the humour through the PURL site, like "Brett´s passions outside I.T. are playing polo, writing piano concertos, and reading Homer in the original Greek. Okay, that´s a lie — it´s computers. He loves computers."
Great layout that works well with sounds even on the slow PC I currently use. Well done to you guys.
(Merlot; I'm renting in Parnell these days.
)
... and here's one just for you.
Thanks, Kas
Nice!!!!!!
Thanks, Mark...
I'm pretty proud of it. I designed it and my brother built it - it's been a bloody interesting exercise.
The website is a small component of the whole launch strategy. By the time you get there you'll already have experienced the 1-2-1 marketing hook.
Our launch strategy goes like this:
1) You receive thru the mail or online a personalised message telling you about our amazing 1-2-1 marketing tools:
2) This has a personalised url (purl) like www.purls4you/mark.hubbard (not activated), which entices you to your very own website.
3) At your personalised website we'd either have a site designed specifically for you with the info we have in our CRM - or - we'd invite you to Build Your Own Brochure. You click on the items of interest, hit a button and either, a) turn it into an online page-turning brochure, b) print it out, or c) have it sent directly to a variable data printer where it's formed and posted out to you with all sorts of clever personalised detail.
4) Then if you'd like a live demo of our technologies we have a Build Your Own Agenda page, where you click the tools you want to know more about, select a preferred time and day, then hit send and our team comes to you with a tight presentation.
5) But if you want to 'dive deeper' and find more about the other products and services you can click through to the website.
Bingo! Truly personalised 1-2-1 Multi Channel Marketing! The only integrated marketing system of its kind in Australasia.
Glenn
PURLS is a lovely looking site - after a quick read I'm not sure what you do, exactly
, but I'll have a decent read of the 'About Us' when I get a chance.
Best of luck with the venture, may much success be the result.
Wasted time.
Relax William. This is not a political press release it was just a story picked up that was amusing....
Urban legends and stupid Mooslims
The uncited story above bears no resemblance to the crash investigation report by the French authorities.
Here's a relevant paragraph from the report -- I underline the parts that put the lie to the uncited story:
1.5 R enseignements sur le personnel
Les essais au sol en phase de réception client s’effectuaient sous la responsabilité
d’un seul technicien d’essais sol, employé d’Airbus. Celui-ci était
généralement accompagné d’une ou de plusieurs personnes représentant
le client, et parfois d’autres employés d’Airbus. Airbus n’avait pas d’exigence
particulière de qualification envers les représentants du client qui assistent
aux essais. Les représentants du client assis en poste de pilotage avaient
normalement des rôles d’observateurs, mais il pouvait arriver que le technicien
d’essais sol fasse participer un représentant du client, par exemple en lui
laissant effectuer le roulage.
Au cours de cet essai-là, le technicien d’essais sol responsable de l’essai était
assis en place droite, un technicien aéronautique représentant le client était
assis en place gauche et un expérimentateur navigant d’essais se trouvait en
siège service. Le représentant du client et l’expérimentateur navigant d’essais
n’avaient aucune fonction définie pour le maniement de l’avion. Le rôle du
représentant du client consistait à observer les paramètres
Here's a précis of the report, in English:
A. Mixed ground test crew of 9 on board: some from Airbus proper, based there in
Toulouse, some from the Abu Dhabi-based contractor working on the airline’s behalf.
3 people in the cockpit for the test: 2 from Airbus, one from the contractor.
Running the test, in the right seat of the cockpit, in charge of the all controls:
Airbus technician, 15 yr employee, 9 yrs experience testing these engines. When he was
alerted that the aircraft was moving, his only actions were to kill the parking brake
while simultaneously stomping on the main brakes.
In the left seat, observing the test: contractor employee, alerted the test tech that
the aircraft was moving. Has no specified role in the test other than to observe.
In the “service” seat (like the navigator’s seat, only the A340 ain’t got no
navigator, I don’t believe): Airbus-employed test pilot, 9 yrs experience as a
professional pilot, 7 as a test pilot, not type rated (i.e., not an A340 pilot),
perhaps a manager qualified to supervise such tests. Once again, no specific role
other than to observe, but in the end it was him who pulled the throttles back.
B. There were two main causes: 1) no chocks were used to hold the aircraft’s wheels in
place during the test. 2) All four engines were brought to full power to test one
leaky engine. Procedures required the use of chocks and running up two engines - the
one leaking and one on the other wing (to prevent torquing and yawing of the
fuselage). These two procedures had been frequently ignored by all Airbus technicians
at the test center for some time.
Short answer: the test was done improperly, not in accordance with written procedures
and standards. The fault of the Airbus technician.
See also a story in National.
I'm sure there will be further opportunities to fork up chain-letter stories about dirty, stupid Mooslim-Ayerabs. Do your homework next time and check your premises, please. Snopes is a good place to start.
WSS
I have, Greg...
I've been working my ass off. Just launched a company specialising in Marketing Software called PURL (i.e. personailised urls - one of the tools we offer): http://www.purls.me
Also been securing some permanent part time work in advertising. Start Monday, 2 - 3 days a week - perfect!
Been a long time between drinks, I can tell you. So I'll be whipping up an antipasto platter and uncorking some merlot very shortly... stayed tuned.
I'll avoid that airline then
You've been quiet Glenn
Yes
Yep.
--Brant
Ahh...
But the rest of it is true?
Read about this months ago
on another site.
I believe the interior photos are from an A380, not the model that crashed. The A380 is the largest passenger plane ever built, not the A340-600.
--Brant
Thanks, Kasper.
: )