SOLO-International Press Release: When Tigers Become Pussies

Lindsay Perigo's picture
Submitted by Lindsay Perigo on Sat, 2010-02-20 04:14

SOLO-International Press Release: When Tigers Become Pussies

February 20, 2010

Tiger Woods's ritual self-abasement before the world today on the matter of his marital infidelities was pitiful, unnecessary and improper, says SOLO Principal Lindsay Perigo.

"Unfortunately such obscene ejaculations by stars in public have become commonplace in a world which has forgotten, as have the stars themselves, that what consenting or solitary adults do in private is no one else's business.

"If his sponsors believe his private behaviour somehow represents a breach of contract, they are of course entitled to pull the plug," Perigo adds. "And Mrs. Woods is certainly entitled to divorce him. But Tiger doesn't owe the world-at-large anything—neither apologies nor explanations nor any other assorted blubberings—least of all on account of the pleasure and inspiration he and his superlative talent have brought that world.

"Equally risibly fashionable is the notion that Tiger has a 'sex addiction' for which he requires 'therapy.' This grotesquery reflects America's being in the throes of a neo-Puritanical, neo-Prohibitionist hysteria where the sinfulness of any kind of pleasure is proclaimed at every turn, where the President is trying to tax tobacco companies retrospectively and force everyone into health care programmes, where the President's wife is on a mission to outlaw obesity, and where it will soon be wholly illegal to grow old disgracefully. The great Tiger Woods's abject capitulation to this hysteria is a far greater betrayal than his affairs. It's a betrayal of himself and of the freedom that made America unique.

"The best thing Tiger could do is not to repair to the Buddhism of his youth, as he claims to intend. To re-embrace one type of superstition while capitulating to another is merely to compound his betrayal. It's to give the media-vermin a two-fingered salute and repair to his beloved golf course as though nothing had happened—because in terms of what is relevant to his golfing exploits, and in terms of what the world-at-large has any business knowing, nothing has happened. May Tiger quickly realize this, quit being a sniveling pussy, pull himself out of his ridiculous castration-therapy ... and reclaim his tigerness," Perigo concludes.

Lindsay Perigo:

SOLO (Sense of Life Objectivists):

What Tiger should have said

Kasper's picture

What Tiger SHOULD have said ,? I have my doubts

To my wife, I'm sorry. I fucked up. But I'm not changing, so you'll
either need to put up with this shit or I'll stroke you the check I
agreed to in the pre-nup.... sorry.

To my fans, get over it. Where I stick my dick is none of your business.

If you care.... sorry. I don't need any of you in order to make 10 times
in one year what you'll make in a career. I promise to continue to hit 4
irons from 210 yards to within 10' of the hole and drop putts that you
couldn't read in a million years. If that's not good enough for you, go
watch tennis.

To the media. You cocksuckers are the only ones more two-faced than I
am. Kissing my ass for all those years and then ripping me every chance
you've had since Thanksgiving. Fuck ya'll. I'm glad I don't have to take
the time to sit and answer the same bullshit questions over and over

To the other golfers. Kiss my cablanasian ass! You motherfuckers come
out ripping me when I've put more fucking money in your pockets than you
could count. You think anyone's been paying to see Jesper-fucking-
Parnavik? Give me a fucking break. I'm almost tempted to give up golf
just to punish you guys but I think it's going to be more fun to
practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my

That's all I got today folks..... see ya at Augusta!

Oh, and Bambi, if you're listening, I'll meet you at the Ritz in 45
[Email circular]

Every so often David Duval

John Donohue's picture

Every so often David Duval makes an attempt to come back. Occasionally he looks completely great. He once shot a 59 in a major.

And he is an Objectivist.

That would be an interesting substitution!

I have no idea what his physical or psych issues are that he fades and surges as he does.


Frediano's picture

You think it was avoiding the cost? Or was he just so arrogant and in an unreality bubble that like you said, he just didn't think at all?

That theme seems like it gets played over and over again. Human beings have no clue how to live in the unreality bubble.

We become untethered from reality.


Frediano's picture

Ha! We are so let down by the world's best golfer...

You are so right. Poor Tiger, since the age of 4, his father has been screaming at him, "Put it in the hole! Put it in the hole!"

Damn, this one is so ripe. His sponsors should have just rolled with it.

Nike: Scratch "Just do it." Replace with "Just do me!"

Gatorade: Scratch Focus. Replace with "F*ckus. When you're dropping more bodily fluids than a C-117 figthing a forest fire."

Not that far from the truth. Have you noticed Nikes' latest campaign? "We all fall down, its how you get back up?"

Never mind the world's oldest profession, now that is turning some 20 toes tail turned bad into dollars.


gregster's picture

I don't think we can expect even the best golfers to have an integrated philosophy.

Or, perhaps he does not do much thinking at all. It's all balls to holes, I take it.


atlascott's picture

There are reasons why powerful, wealthy men with roving eyes go to professionals with extreme prices.

As the joke goes, you don't pay them to show up and have sex with you. You pay them to go away afterwards.

I am sure that there are services which offer utter discretion for men in the wealth and power ranks of Tiger.

He wanted to pick up girls here and there, and avoid the cost.

But everything has a price, and a cost.

He may now be thinking that the price he paid was more expensive than the cost of the alternative.

Or, perhaps he does not do much thinking at all.

Why we're really disappointed with tiger ...

Frediano's picture

Without batting an eye, he could have taken 100 million dollars, hired the world's best security expert, and told him, 'Make me bulletproof, and don't let me shoot myself in the foot with my indiscretions, which shall continue unabated, and which I never want to be public.'

And, he didn't.


If tiger can screw the pooch--bad choice of words-- if tiger can crash and burn and then get bitch slapped around by the tribe, then what chance do mere mortals have?

I heard this once, not sure if it is true or legend, but, there was a time in recent past, may not be true anymore, if you scaled the numeric point ratings of the top 2000 pro golfers, tiger, at #1, was as far beyond #2 as #2 was beyond #2000. In other words, he had over twice the point ranking as #2.

Can that be anywhere near right? It looks like it is close to that now, but not quite.


atlascott's picture

No thinking person should ever acquiesce to public humiliation to feed the frenzied crowd.

He lied and cheated on his wife. That is between them.

The only press conference he should hold is after winning a golf tournament or when he announces his retirement in about 30 years.

On second thought, we do not even need one for those - a blurb in the newspaper will do.


Lindsay Perigo's picture

"Is it not refreshing that Tiger's career has crashed and burned so dramatically?"

The full disgusting vileness of religion right here:



Sam Pierson's picture

where it will soon be wholly illegal to grow old disgracefully.

Did anyone notice this? Eye

Very good Linz, of course.

Mark Hubbard's picture

Very good Linz, of course.

you are agreeing with me

John Donohue's picture

yes, and i said the same in my post.

What Michael said. Tiger

Aaron's picture

What Michael said about morality, the wife, and the media. And Tiger Woods announces return to sex.



Michael Moeller's picture

I don't think anybody would deny that he acted immorally by lying to his wife. It's between them and how they want to work it out. The issue, as I see it, is the whole public spectacle surrounding the events. He owes the public at-large neither apology nor explanation. And the media feeding off of every aspect of this drama, and the on-lookers fueling it, really need to get a life.

Tiger was not honest and

John Donohue's picture

Tiger was not honest and forthright about his lifestyle. He was hypocritical.

I offer the example of Wilt Chamberlain as a contrast. This is a man who had sex with thousands of women. He never married, explicitly claiming it would be dishonest. He claims he never slept with married women, or sex partners of his friends. I have no way of validating if those claims are true or seeing his deep character to judge the honesty of his interactions with women. They all acted on their own volition as far as anyone knows.

Tiger Woods, on the other hand, made a commitment to marriage and fidelity, and more importantly to bring children into this world in a family environment. They have two children, born in 2007 and 2009.

So therein lies the major error, the betrayal of promises in deep emotional and physical contract with others. I fault his moral judgement on that aspect.

While there is no indication of rape, and infidelity while despicable and reprehensible is not actionable criminally, and while betrayal of parental role is vile, this matter is not "public" in the sense of rectification by government of violation of rights. It likely will void commercial contracts and the marriage contract.

I agree with Lindsay that "Tiger Woods's ritual self-abasement before the world today on the matter of his marital infidelities was pitiful, unnecessary and improper." These public self-criticism trials remind me of The Great Leap Forward and Cultural Revolution atrocities. Additionally I detect that Lindsay is putting his finger on an unhealthy anti-pleasure attitude in our culture which is not trivial; it goes all the way down to the root of the deprecation of "pursuit of happiness" on many levels.

What a Shame!

Michael Moeller's picture

But Tiger doesn't owe the world-at-large anything—neither apologies nor explanations nor any other assorted blubberings—least of all on account of the pleasure and inspiration he and his superlative talent have brought that world.

Exactly. I listened to about 10 seconds of that press conference and had to turn it off--too painful to watch. The defeated look on his face and the public mea culpa was disgraceful. The episode is nobody's business but his and his wife's.

I noticed the "media-vermin" were upset because he wouldn't answer questions, and I am sure they were itching to get at him. But who are these people obsessed with tabloid trash? His story is all over the magazines, the major networks cut into their programming to cover the press conference, and I heard there are articles that go into great detail about each one of the affairs. Apparently there is a large contingent of people who have nothing better to do than obsess over his personal life.

Get a life!

Hear, hear. This is what

Sam Pierson's picture

Hear, hear. This is what MBAs give you.

I don't watch golf

gregster's picture

but when he resumes I might.

Thankfully in the UK...

Marcus's picture was possible to ignore this story. As a result I know very little about it.

From what my sister tells me in NZ it was treated like the biggest news story of the year.

One of the few things I heard which really made me laugh though was a joke by a British comedian on TV.

He said something like. 'You know, the whole Tiger Woods news got out of hand when in response to his six mistresses I saw one newspaper headline that read, "Revealed: Tiger Woods plays eighteen holes!"'

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.