SOLO-NZ Press Release: McCully for Dummies

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Lindsay Perigo's picture
Submitted by Lindsay Perigo on Sun, 2010-05-30 10:23

SOLO-NZ Press Release: McCully for Dummies

Lindsay Perigo
May 31, 2010

Hon Murray McCully
Minister for the Rugby World Cup
30 May 2010
Media Statement  
McCully statement on Andy Haden

Rugby World Cup Minister Murray McCully met with former All Black Andy Haden today to discuss the row over his public comments late last week.

[Translation for dummies: Rugby World Cup Commissar—a position that shouldn’t exist—Murray McCully met with former All Black Andy Haden today to tell him to pull his head in. Governments, according to McCully, exist to run Rugby World Cups and tell people what to think.]

Mr McCully said the conversation focused on the use of a term that caused offence.

[Translation for dummies: Komrad Herr McCully said the monologue obsessed on the use of the term “darkies.”]

“The purpose of the 2011 Ambassador programme is to generate positive outcomes, especially in relation to trade, tourism, and investment. It is clearly very unhelpful to instead be engaged in a controversy over the use of language.

[Translation for dummies: I will lick the butts of anyone at all—Islamofascists, Barack Obama, Robert Mugabe, Tariana Turia, Metiria Turei—in order to avoid a controversy over the use of the term “darkies” and get re-elected.]

“Mr Haden accepts that his use a [sic] particular term caused offence. He has, without any prompting from me, already publicly apologized for causing offence. I understand that he is releasing a more general statement of apology today. That, as far as I am concerned, is the end of the matter.

[Translation for dummies: Mr Haden has been bullied into line. He has, knowing that I’d fire his ass if he didn’t, already issued a grovelling apology for hurting some precious idiots’ feelings in the course of robust public debate, which debate I require to cease at once.]

“The 2011 Ambassadors were selected because they brought particular attributes to our 2011 programme. Most of them are based overseas, where they provide a very potent marketing force. That they undertake this work for free is greatly appreciated.

[Translation for dummies: Andy Haden is a mug, and I hope like hell he goes on being one, no matter what opportunistic abuse I pile upon him.]

"I greatly value that contribution and trust it will be for this work, and not for the use of inappropriate language, that he comes to public attention in future," Mr McCully said.

[Translation for dummies: I, Komrad Herr McCully, am ze arbiter of vott it ees unt ees nott appropriate for volk to say, unt shall brink zem into ze line. Seig Heil!!]

NOTE: Mr McCully will do a stand-up with media at the Westin Hotel, Auckland, at 4.45pm today

[Translation for dummies: Mr McCully will be on his knees, blow-jobbing the airhead media mediocrity mafia and the fascists and socialists of the world, of whom he is one, as usual.]

Lindsay Perigo: 021 255 8715



The best political satirist in Australia is a KIWI!

Sandi's picture

John Clark, known here Wink in New Zealand as "Fred Dag"

Here is one of his most classical moments in Australia (I can just imagine Linz doing something similar)


Rosie's picture

LOL to the ham and mustard joke!

I saw Have I got News For You years ago when I was in London and enjoyed that. I haven't seen or heard of 7 Days because I can't stand NZ TV (generally speaking) and so rarely watch it. I looked it up on Google, though, and it said, "7 Days sees New Zealand's top comedians pit their wits against the week's news and each other. " It then gave a list of the comedians. I only recognised one name (whom I didn't find funny at all) and thought if they can't get Raybon Kan on it, it probably isn't worth watching. He is the only comedian I know whom I find funny. Any good political satires in Australia? Isn't that where you live?

Yes Rosie!

Sandi's picture

I'd thoroughly enjoy seeing Linz in "Have I got news for you." It is an extremely successful, satirically, scathing news show that predominately features, Ian Hislop (editor of Private Eye).

The New Zealand version " 7 Days" is simply pathetic in comparrison. It doesn't cut the mustard because there is hardly any of it in the sandwich and what little there is of it, is spread carefully so as not to offend the ham.


Rosie's picture

I think this is a good idea for a magazine in the style of Private Eye. And did you know that Private Eye is the best selling current affairs magazine in the UK? Perhaps this is where you could make your fortune, Linz? At the same time have the most enormous fun writing these satires!


Kasper's picture

is brilliant. I hope the individuals involved see this.

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