For the scientists among us!

Anonymous Guest's picture
Submitted by Anonymous Guest on Tue, 2012-07-31 17:39

The CSIRO has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.

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Should switch money with

BGL's picture

more precious elements such as gold and silver. Would make more sense than money in given we're talking about elements.


Ross Elliot's picture

"These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons"

The moron is a particle to which I shall always refer.

A bureaucrat has a certain number of orbiting morons. A bureau-on. A state-on.

Very unstable, like uranium. Moranium: the dumb element.

If you explode a moranium bomb, no one gets killed, but they all vote Obama, or if it's of a lesser yield, they vote Romney.


Leonid's picture

True! Humor even can penetrate the non-orthodox-post-neo- pseudo-objectivist.

It is very, very old!

Lindsay Perigo's picture

Almost as old as I. But I'm encouraged by signs of humour in the intrinsicist Randroid. Humour is better at breaking down Randroid intrinsicism than argumentation, to which Randroid intrinsicists are impervious.

It is old

gregster's picture

Things slowly filter to dear Leonid's neck of the woods. His government censor just let this through.

"How about the newly discovered Higgs boson"

Yes, now, what gives it its mass?

I have a vague recollection...

Marcus's picture

...of seeing this before, but I think this is an updated version.

How about the newly discovered Higgs boson?

ha ha

Damien Grant's picture

That actually made me chuckle out loud.

Very good.

"morons to become neutrons"


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